Category: Suicidal Mind

Wallpapering fog…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, coffee...., Depression, Dogs, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fatigue is a hallucinogen, Fuck Mental Illness, Hope, journalism, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Road Trip!, Self-care, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Well, today did not go as planned... I let my bedtime routine get messed up last night, and as a result I forgot my meds. As a result I did not sleep worth crap. I finally realised my error around 3 a.m. After some prompting from Lynn I took them then headed back to bed … Continue reading Wallpapering fog…

Finding company in the shadows.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Family, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Habits, History, Hope, journalism, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday was long and exhausting. I attended a suicide, trauma and mindfulness in first responders workshop in Red Deer yesterday. It made for an early morning, as the all day event started at 0800, and concluded around 1630. It was definitely a worthwhile day. The speaker is someone who has lived with the trauma of … Continue reading Finding company in the shadows.

Trigger Warning: very dark place in my mind. (Untitled)

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, poetry, ptsd, Self-harm, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

This is the last, and darkest piece of poetry I wrote during my latest admission. It does not reflect my current state of mind. The urge to harm myself hit me today,wave after wave, I fend off the assault by my mind.I did not sleep well,shat should be 8, took 11My brain lies to me,it tells … Continue reading Trigger Warning: very dark place in my mind. (Untitled)

Scars

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Hope, Impulse control, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Scars, Self-care, Self-harm, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Scar:a mark left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn, or sore has not healed completely and fibrous connective tissue has developed. (Google dictionary) I have scars covering a good portion of my arms and legs. Like a road map, they criss-cross my skin, each one a testament to battles fought … Continue reading Scars

“Winning is winning”

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fast cars, Fatigue, Ford Mustang, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, grief, Habits, Hope, journalism, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, Mustang Life, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, reporter, Self-care, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, the fast and the furious, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

It's amazing how much sleep helps my moods. I actually slept pretty good last night, despite waking up a couple times through the night. Mood-wise, today has been mixed. I have been doing tons of journaling since I've been here this admission, including some poetry which I will upload once I get discharged. The outcome … Continue reading “Winning is winning”

TW:Weary in the storm.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, loss, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, ptsd, Self-care, Self-harm, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Still feeling rough yesterday I went back in to the emerg department at our hospital. My doctor was able to find me a bed in Ponoka and am going to be in hospital for a week or two anyways. I don't want this to be a long admission, I just need to be able keep … Continue reading TW:Weary in the storm.

Decompensating…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, loss, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, ptsd, Self-care, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

With my moods still being significantly depressed, I went in to our local walk-in this morning. Due to both of our regional facilities being at capacity and me being urgent but not emergent my doc spoke with a consulting psychiatrist, and has added a new medication to my mix, which is helping slow my brain … Continue reading Decompensating…