Driven…

As far as my schooling goes, one chapter is drawing to a close and another is beginning. I got my marks for my final assignment, and despite the piece not being one of my strongest submissions, I still managed to keep my mark into the eighties, which is a relief. The instructor commented that I … Continue reading Driven…

Dealing with change…

I'm struggling today. Photo by Alexas Fotos on Pexels.com The fatigue is really bad today, and I'm just feeling stressed with life in general. It doesn't help that my plans for today ended up going sideways; I had intended to do some work in the office today, working on researching my next assignment for my … Continue reading Dealing with change…

Seeing in grey…

Recovery in mental illness is hard. It's not like a physical injury that can be seen. There is no casino splints, nothing visual that clues people in that something is wrong. Mental illness is all internal. Mental illness is painful. It affects relationships. It makes you question your own abilities and confidence. For significant mental … Continue reading Seeing in grey…

A restful July 1…

Photo by Social Soup Social Media on Pexels.com Things have been quiet today. I spent some more time prepping myself for the market tomorrow, and spent some more time unwinding playing Spiderman on the Playstation 4. I think I've nearly completed the game, but it's definitely been a fun one to play. The developers, Insomniac … Continue reading A restful July 1…

Trying to give my brain a break…

Today has found me a bit better than yesterday, though I am still feeling fatigued, stressed, and generally emotional. It's been a quiet day today. I made pancakes for lunch for Lynn and I, and then played an hour of Spider Man on the Playstation 4, before settling in to the office to do a … Continue reading Trying to give my brain a break…

Sometimes doing nothing is doing something…

Today hasn't been a great mental health day. My moods and energy level have definitely been low, and I have been having a hell of a time managing to get anything done. My ambition has just ben gone. I have a couple stories for work that I need to write and I just haven't been … Continue reading Sometimes doing nothing is doing something…

Waking up functional…

Today wasn't as productive as I would have liked, but it was still productive none-the-less. I started the morning doing some telephone interviews for a story I'm working on, then it was off to the store for the day. The store was quiet, but I did manage to get some creative writing done. I attempted … Continue reading Waking up functional…

Letting go…

I'm feeling stressed out due to events totally beyond my control. Our elected provincial government is working on balancing the books and saving money, which I agree with, however the way they are going about it scares the hell out of me, particularly the changes they are making to health care. They have delisted procedures, … Continue reading Letting go…

Work and self-care…

Today is definitely off to a rough start. I do not feel like I slept at all well last night, and this morning I am dragging ass. Despite that though, I have already managed to get some work done, and set up a meeting for later on this morning. My goals for today are to … Continue reading Work and self-care…

The breaking storm…

I think that slowly but surely, like the weather is warming and the days are getting longer, the storm in my mind is breaking. This morning I woke up feeling like I have more energy, and it was not quite the battle to get out of bed that it has been. Even doing some work … Continue reading The breaking storm…

Emptiness despite success…

Photo by burak kostak on Pexels.com I'm happy with how the first of eight showings of the Castor Little Theatre production of "Dry Streak" happened yesterday. Despite the simplicity of the play, the show is keeping my busy, and challenged in the AV booth, which is not a bad thing. I'm equally grateful that today … Continue reading Emptiness despite success…

Confidence Boost

Well, after a few lumps and bumps the theatre group got through the dress rehearsal yesterday. Overall there performance went fairly well, though there were a couple of mis-cues with lighting. In the end, though, everything turned out pretty good, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the run. This morning I woke up … Continue reading Confidence Boost

Unsettled

Wow, am I unsettled this morning. I don't feel like I slept well last night, and in general I am just feeling spacey. I'm hoping it is a feeling I can shake off prior to our theatre performance this after noon. Today we are running through the dress rehearsal before the show opens for real … Continue reading Unsettled

Slowed down…

Photo by Frans Van Heerden on Pexels.com Yesterday was what I would call a long day. I got up yesterday morning and, to keep my mind of things, did some more learning in Lightroom. Around 1030 I headed out the door to meet my editor for lunch in Stettler, as well as complete another couple … Continue reading Slowed down…

Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to me since I published my last post. As you may have figured out, I'm struggling right now. My moods have been going so up and down over the last few days I'm beginning to get whiplash. At the urging of Lynn, … Continue reading Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

I’m…

My anxiety is peaked today, and I find myself battling with my thoughts and my emotions. I'm tired of the noise in my mind. I'm tired of constantly being on edge. I'm tired of the feeling that I am walking on eggshells around everybody. I'm tired of the suicidal thoughts invading my mind again, drowning … Continue reading I’m…

500

Five-hundred posts in two and a half years. In some ways it feels like just yesterday that I started this mental health recovery blog. In others it feels like it has been forever. The last couple of years have been full of ups and downs, which I have tried to share along the way. I … Continue reading 500

CW:Struggling, but fighting…

I've been struggling the last few days. Mustering up just enough energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other has been a challenge. I have a lot going on right now, and I feel like I'm drowning. I know I haven't written for a few days. That's been for a multitude of … Continue reading CW:Struggling, but fighting…

Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.

Fear is something we all face, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. I know as a youth, one of my biggest stumbling blocks was a fear of failure, which continually led me to ever-seeking approval. I sought approval from my parents, my teachers, and my peers, and this constant need for approval did … Continue reading Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.

Tomorrow is a new day…lessons learned

This morning, I hit the ground running, and didn't stop. I was up and out early to cover today's county meeting, then home to get them wrote up. B picked me up after lunch, and took me into an appointment in Stettler for an eye appointment. The appointment went well, though the doctor does want … Continue reading Tomorrow is a new day…lessons learned

downtime and gratitude

My first full day home was productive, if not overly busy. I ended up spending a couple hours on my studies, completing and submitting my second assignment for school as well as starting on the next unit. I also got some laundry done and changed the bedding in our room. Yesterday wasn't all work and … Continue reading downtime and gratitude

Admission update: Figuring out how to feel.

Well, after a week, I finally had the opportunity to see Dr. M again. He had been keeping tabs on me through staff, but hadn't seen the need to actually meet with me every day, which I suppose is a good thing. He confirmed this morning that my discharge is set for Friday. I'm not … Continue reading Admission update: Figuring out how to feel.

CW: Rollercoaster…

Edit: today continued to decline and the suicidal thoughts hit me in a wave so hard I had to stop driving as I broke down completely. Definitely not a good day, but my doctor is fitting me in today. I have way too much going on to be this damn tired. While yesterday was an … Continue reading CW: Rollercoaster…

Uptick

Despite not sleeping very well last night, this morning I have woken up feeling more of a spark than I've had in the last few days. I've been able to get up and get motivated, already finishing up some work, and being able to sketch out some semblance of a plan for the day. The … Continue reading Uptick

CW: Mental health relapse/update

I know I've been absent over the last few days, and that my most recent post was locked. I'll be honest, with the fatigue I've been feeling extending into it's second week, I have not been at my best mentally. I've been struggling with impulsivity, self-harm urges, and ever darkening thoughts. I'm hoping that the … Continue reading CW: Mental health relapse/update