Wrapping up a busy week…

Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com This week has been full, though thankfully I am reaching the tail end of it. There hasn't been any single item on my to-do list that has been weighing on me; however, the combination of everything has made for a tiring week. Still, there is a difference between tiring … Continue reading Wrapping up a busy week…

Catching up…

I can't believe it's been a week since I last updated my blog. It's been a busy week. I ended up covering the bookstore for three days last week, one of which was planned, and then on Friday took off for a guys weekend with my friend C. I'm definitely feeling relaxed after my time … Continue reading Catching up…

The rest of the story…

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com Over the last two decades that I've dealt with my mental health issues, I've gone from happy and healthy to suicidal and depressed and back again. I am easy to read, and when I'm struggling most of the people close to me can read me like a book. Still, when … Continue reading The rest of the story…

Content warning; discusses suicide… You don’t have to fight with mental illness alone.

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com I've lost track of the number of times I've been suicidal over the years. I still struggle with suicidal ideation every so often, though thankfully not as bad as I used to. The depression that causes the suicidal ideation is a liar. It isolates you from those who care … Continue reading Content warning; discusses suicide… You don’t have to fight with mental illness alone.

Trying to give my brain a break…

Today has found me a bit better than yesterday, though I am still feeling fatigued, stressed, and generally emotional. It's been a quiet day today. I made pancakes for lunch for Lynn and I, and then played an hour of Spider Man on the Playstation 4, before settling in to the office to do a … Continue reading Trying to give my brain a break…

Getting by with a bit of inconvenience…

Today has been another quiet day. I let myself sleep in again, trying to kick the remainder of this bug I've been fighting, and aside from heading out to grab groceries haven't been up to much. I've done a bit of gaming, rendering the world of Farcry 5, and also did some grocery shopping, and … Continue reading Getting by with a bit of inconvenience…

Confidence Boost

Well, after a few lumps and bumps the theatre group got through the dress rehearsal yesterday. Overall there performance went fairly well, though there were a couple of mis-cues with lighting. In the end, though, everything turned out pretty good, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the run. This morning I woke up … Continue reading Confidence Boost

Unsettled

Wow, am I unsettled this morning. I don't feel like I slept well last night, and in general I am just feeling spacey. I'm hoping it is a feeling I can shake off prior to our theatre performance this after noon. Today we are running through the dress rehearsal before the show opens for real … Continue reading Unsettled

Slowed down…

Photo by Frans Van Heerden on Pexels.com Yesterday was what I would call a long day. I got up yesterday morning and, to keep my mind of things, did some more learning in Lightroom. Around 1030 I headed out the door to meet my editor for lunch in Stettler, as well as complete another couple … Continue reading Slowed down…

Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to me since I published my last post. As you may have figured out, I'm struggling right now. My moods have been going so up and down over the last few days I'm beginning to get whiplash. At the urging of Lynn, … Continue reading Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

I’m…

My anxiety is peaked today, and I find myself battling with my thoughts and my emotions. I'm tired of the noise in my mind. I'm tired of constantly being on edge. I'm tired of the feeling that I am walking on eggshells around everybody. I'm tired of the suicidal thoughts invading my mind again, drowning … Continue reading I’m…

Heroes

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.comSome heroes wear capes. Others wear bunker gear and uniforms. I'm feeling the love today. My Facebook page has blown up with birthday well-wishes, and I am grateful. I know I haven't been in a great headspace lately. I know I've been struggling and feeling overwhelmed. The support means the world … Continue reading Heroes

CW:Struggling, but fighting…

I've been struggling the last few days. Mustering up just enough energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other has been a challenge. I have a lot going on right now, and I feel like I'm drowning. I know I haven't written for a few days. That's been for a multitude of … Continue reading CW:Struggling, but fighting…

Catching up

I haven't written for a couple days, as I've been busy. I've had a nice little flurry of work pop up in the run up to Christmas. Sunday, between church and community events, I spent most of the day shooting photos. It may have been busy, but it was fun. I always enjoy covering those … Continue reading Catching up

Productivity…

Today was a somewhat productive day. I started the day by letting myself sleep in a bit, then when I got mobile I started catching up on some office work that I had been neglecting for too long. Then I was out the door, doing another photoshoot with a previous client. After the photoshoot I … Continue reading Productivity…

CW: Rollercoaster…

Edit: today continued to decline and the suicidal thoughts hit me in a wave so hard I had to stop driving as I broke down completely. Definitely not a good day, but my doctor is fitting me in today. I have way too much going on to be this damn tired. While yesterday was an … Continue reading CW: Rollercoaster…

Uptick

Despite not sleeping very well last night, this morning I have woken up feeling more of a spark than I've had in the last few days. I've been able to get up and get motivated, already finishing up some work, and being able to sketch out some semblance of a plan for the day. The … Continue reading Uptick

CW: Mental health relapse/update

I know I've been absent over the last few days, and that my most recent post was locked. I'll be honest, with the fatigue I've been feeling extending into it's second week, I have not been at my best mentally. I've been struggling with impulsivity, self-harm urges, and ever darkening thoughts. I'm hoping that the … Continue reading CW: Mental health relapse/update

Discomfort

The last couple of days have been busy. Between school, house-chores and writing for the paper I haven't had a bunch of downtime. I don't know why, but I found yesterday particularly hard. I had anxiety move into my chest yesterday morning, and it didn't budge all day. It led me to feel tired and … Continue reading Discomfort

I remember 9/11

It's been eighteen years since the world was changed on that fateful September day. I remember, like a lot of people, exactly where I was when I heard the news that international terrorism had hit the shores of NorthAmerica. I remember turning on the television minutes before the news showed the second plane hitting the … Continue reading I remember 9/11

Being uncommon among the common

"Be uncommon among the common people." -David Goggins. The quote above came up while I was watching a video during my workout this morning. It's a powerful statement. All through life we are taught to go along to get along. We are taught not to stand out. Com bine that with society's propensity to find … Continue reading Being uncommon among the common

Recovery at the edge of the abyss

Mood-wise, things are still turbulent, but they seem to be easing. I'm still not in a great headspace, but it's routine battling back from the edge of the abyss. Yesterday went reasonably well. We attended our friend's wedding and I even attended the party for a short while before my senses were totally overwhelmed by … Continue reading Recovery at the edge of the abyss

Content Warning; My story next steps and suicide attempt

After I left the ambulance in the fall of 2013, I was in a tailspin. I ended up in hospital for two separate admissions approaching six weeks in length, under the same doctor, who was also my treating doctor in the community. Through this point he still refused to give me a diagnosis of Post … Continue reading Content Warning; My story next steps and suicide attempt

Trigger Warning: very dark place in my mind. (Untitled)

This is the last, and darkest piece of poetry I wrote during my latest admission. It does not reflect my current state of mind. The urge to harm myself hit me today,wave after wave, I fend off the assault by my mind.I did not sleep well,shat should be 8, took 11My brain lies to me,it tells … Continue reading Trigger Warning: very dark place in my mind. (Untitled)

Scars

Scar:a mark left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn, or sore has not healed completely and fibrous connective tissue has developed. (Google dictionary) I have scars covering a good portion of my arms and legs. Like a road map, they criss-cross my skin, each one a testament to battles fought … Continue reading Scars