Content warning; discusses suicide… You don’t have to fight with mental illness alone.

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com I've lost track of the number of times I've been suicidal over the years. I still struggle with suicidal ideation every so often, though thankfully not as bad as I used to. The depression that causes the suicidal ideation is a liar. It isolates you from those who care … Continue reading Content warning; discusses suicide… You don’t have to fight with mental illness alone.

Reflex… DBT Skill

Today is one of those days that I'm feeling like I accomplished nothing, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary. I was up around 9:30, and played some Red Dead Redemption 2 for a bit while Lynn slept. After she got up, I caught up on some dishes, vacuumed, and cleaned up the back yard … Continue reading Reflex… DBT Skill

Pushing through the fatigue and keeping busy…

Today has been interesting. I started this morning off conducting an interview with my town's two doctors, then headed down to the store and had lunch with Lynn. When I got home, I had a chat with my editor in regard to the interview this morning then headed onto the treadmill for a workout. The … Continue reading Pushing through the fatigue and keeping busy…

The breaking storm…

I think that slowly but surely, like the weather is warming and the days are getting longer, the storm in my mind is breaking. This morning I woke up feeling like I have more energy, and it was not quite the battle to get out of bed that it has been. Even doing some work … Continue reading The breaking storm…

Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to me since I published my last post. As you may have figured out, I'm struggling right now. My moods have been going so up and down over the last few days I'm beginning to get whiplash. At the urging of Lynn, … Continue reading Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

I’m…

My anxiety is peaked today, and I find myself battling with my thoughts and my emotions. I'm tired of the noise in my mind. I'm tired of constantly being on edge. I'm tired of the feeling that I am walking on eggshells around everybody. I'm tired of the suicidal thoughts invading my mind again, drowning … Continue reading I’m…

Heroes

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.comSome heroes wear capes. Others wear bunker gear and uniforms. I'm feeling the love today. My Facebook page has blown up with birthday well-wishes, and I am grateful. I know I haven't been in a great headspace lately. I know I've been struggling and feeling overwhelmed. The support means the world … Continue reading Heroes

500

Five-hundred posts in two and a half years. In some ways it feels like just yesterday that I started this mental health recovery blog. In others it feels like it has been forever. The last couple of years have been full of ups and downs, which I have tried to share along the way. I … Continue reading 500

We lost you a year ago…

I can't believe it's been a year since Lynn's sister passed away. It doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem possible. It seems like just yesterday that she was in our home for the Christmas Holidays, yet I know that that particular memory is over a year old. The last time we saw Brenda was when … Continue reading We lost you a year ago…

Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.

Fear is something we all face, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. I know as a youth, one of my biggest stumbling blocks was a fear of failure, which continually led me to ever-seeking approval. I sought approval from my parents, my teachers, and my peers, and this constant need for approval did … Continue reading Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.

Bookwork

Today was quiet. I got a workout in, did some reading, and finished the reading for the next unit of my course. Once I get the assignment done I will officially be on the downhill part of the course. I have two assignments and one unit left to do before I tackle the final exam, … Continue reading Bookwork

Busy day…

I am glad that tomorrow is having a somewhat slower start to the day. Up and out the door by 915, to take photos at a new sport group that is operating in town. After that, it was down to Hanna to give a presentation on mental health and PTSD for a class project for … Continue reading Busy day…

Finding my stride…

I was up and out the door early today. I was covering a 9 a.m. meeting of our local county council, and unlike many of these types of meetings, it ran long. I didn't end up getting out there until 1230. On the bright side, though, T ended up joining me for lunch after both … Continue reading Finding my stride…

Sparks

Photo by Malte Lu on Pexels.com The last few years have been rough. There is no getting around that. I still miss my past life as an EMT. I had a love and passion for that job that I can't explain. I loved the adrenaline rush when the tones would drop. I loved that I … Continue reading Sparks

Pushing Red Line

An engine can only run at red line for so long before it will begin to fail. With all the odds and ends I've been getting involved with in recent weeks, as well as helping out at the store, I've been running at my red-line for a awhile now. I'm definitely feeling the toll it's … Continue reading Pushing Red Line

Busy day

Today was busy. Seeing as we are still down to one vehicle, I dropped Lynn off at the store around 10, and headed for Stettler for my 11 o'clock appointment with H. The appointment went well. He gave me some food for thought, and he worked with me on re-framing some of the stress I … Continue reading Busy day

I remember 9/11

It's been eighteen years since the world was changed on that fateful September day. I remember, like a lot of people, exactly where I was when I heard the news that international terrorism had hit the shores of NorthAmerica. I remember turning on the television minutes before the news showed the second plane hitting the … Continue reading I remember 9/11

Building positive habits and routines.

I was a home-body today, and I loved every minute of it. I spent some time playing Red Dead 2, cleaned up both of my cameras, and actually dug into the instruction manual on my primary camera to check out some different settings. I've loved the photography, and have already learned a lot, but there … Continue reading Building positive habits and routines.

Coming back

Today was a relatively quiet, but full day nonetheless. I ended up spending the bulk of my day in the office today. I reorganized my work space, then polished off a couple of work projects before lunch. After lunch I did a workout, then back into the office again for another couple of hours, doing … Continue reading Coming back

Changing the paradigm

It might sound trite, but I am not who I used to be. A lot has changed for me. A meaningful role that has been a good fit for my mental health. I've found self-discipline to push through the discomfort and grow myself physically, strengthening myself mentally in the process. I'm challenging myself mentally by … Continue reading Changing the paradigm

Recovery Day

Today wasn't a busy day, but I definitely wasn't bored. I spent some time this morning catching up on some work from last week, then met M for lunch. He is a former journalist who has moved into public administration, and I have definitely learned a few things from since he came to the area. … Continue reading Recovery Day

Ticking clock

Photo by Aphiwat chuangchoem on Pexels.com Today was a relatively low key day. Lynn was sick this morning, so she didn't end up coming to church. I had to go because I got roped in to running the sound board as the scheduled op was away. I'm glad I went though. Today's sermon was great. … Continue reading Ticking clock

I have BPD…

I've spoken about my battle with Borderline Personality Disorder before, but I have never really discussed what the diagnosis ACTUALLY means. Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as BPD, is a debilitating mental illness that affects approximately 2 per cent of the population. It is diagnosed primarily in women, however there is a growing belief that … Continue reading I have BPD…

Dusting myself off after lessons learned

Between my mental health struggling and being busy with company I've been having a hard time getting back into my routine, and I'm definitely feeling it. The fatigue related to the downswing has been bad, and I just haven't had the energy to break away to hit the gym. That is something I'm going to … Continue reading Dusting myself off after lessons learned

In awe of my support

Yesterday was my eleventh anniversary to Lynn. The last eleven years have been full of highs and lows as I battle with my mental health. Through it all she has been my rock. She has supported me, encouraged me, and given me a swift kick in the ass when needed. I feel somewhat remiss that … Continue reading In awe of my support