Taking a break…

I have been dragging ass all day. The fatigue is just killing me today. I've had very little motivation to get things done, though the day was still somewhat productive. I started the morning with an appointment with the kinesiologist to get some core exercises to work on. After that I headed home, and just … Continue reading Taking a break…

Seeing in grey…

Recovery in mental illness is hard. It's not like a physical injury that can be seen. There is no casino splints, nothing visual that clues people in that something is wrong. Mental illness is all internal. Mental illness is painful. It affects relationships. It makes you question your own abilities and confidence. For significant mental … Continue reading Seeing in grey…

Progress with reasonable goals…

Today has been fairly quiet on the home front. I finished up an article for my editor that I started last night, and submitted it, then started on the reading for my next unit in my university course that I am currently taking for my writing. I covered a lot today, though it was mainly … Continue reading Progress with reasonable goals…

Not 100 per cent.. :(

My weekend has ended up differently than I was anticipating. I had a couple events to cover yesterday and was planning on going to church today, however those didn't happen. I ended up waking up with a headache yesterday morning, which progressed to a fever and chills as the day went on. I did escape … Continue reading Not 100 per cent.. 😦

Good and bad…

The ride-along I was supposed to be doing with our local ambulance crew didn't end up happening. Because of the COVID-19 cases in the province our provincial health authority ended up suspending the entire ride-along program. I'm taking it as both a good and bad thing. It's good because I was worrying about how I … Continue reading Good and bad…

Poetry: How is Today Going to be?

The first thought I have every morning when I wake up is “How is today going to be?”             Why do I ask this of myself? It’s quite simple, really. I suffer from several different mental health conditions that cause my emotions to be unstable. When I wake up, I wake up not knowing if the … Continue reading Poetry: How is Today Going to be?

Work and self-care…

Today is definitely off to a rough start. I do not feel like I slept at all well last night, and this morning I am dragging ass. Despite that though, I have already managed to get some work done, and set up a meeting for later on this morning. My goals for today are to … Continue reading Work and self-care…

The breaking storm…

I think that slowly but surely, like the weather is warming and the days are getting longer, the storm in my mind is breaking. This morning I woke up feeling like I have more energy, and it was not quite the battle to get out of bed that it has been. Even doing some work … Continue reading The breaking storm…

Emptiness despite success…

Photo by burak kostak on Pexels.com I'm happy with how the first of eight showings of the Castor Little Theatre production of "Dry Streak" happened yesterday. Despite the simplicity of the play, the show is keeping my busy, and challenged in the AV booth, which is not a bad thing. I'm equally grateful that today … Continue reading Emptiness despite success…

Confidence Boost

Well, after a few lumps and bumps the theatre group got through the dress rehearsal yesterday. Overall there performance went fairly well, though there were a couple of mis-cues with lighting. In the end, though, everything turned out pretty good, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the run. This morning I woke up … Continue reading Confidence Boost

Unsettled

Wow, am I unsettled this morning. I don't feel like I slept well last night, and in general I am just feeling spacey. I'm hoping it is a feeling I can shake off prior to our theatre performance this after noon. Today we are running through the dress rehearsal before the show opens for real … Continue reading Unsettled

Slowed down…

Photo by Frans Van Heerden on Pexels.com Yesterday was what I would call a long day. I got up yesterday morning and, to keep my mind of things, did some more learning in Lightroom. Around 1030 I headed out the door to meet my editor for lunch in Stettler, as well as complete another couple … Continue reading Slowed down…

Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to me since I published my last post. As you may have figured out, I'm struggling right now. My moods have been going so up and down over the last few days I'm beginning to get whiplash. At the urging of Lynn, … Continue reading Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

I’m…

My anxiety is peaked today, and I find myself battling with my thoughts and my emotions. I'm tired of the noise in my mind. I'm tired of constantly being on edge. I'm tired of the feeling that I am walking on eggshells around everybody. I'm tired of the suicidal thoughts invading my mind again, drowning … Continue reading I’m…

500

Five-hundred posts in two and a half years. In some ways it feels like just yesterday that I started this mental health recovery blog. In others it feels like it has been forever. The last couple of years have been full of ups and downs, which I have tried to share along the way. I … Continue reading 500

Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.

Fear is something we all face, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. I know as a youth, one of my biggest stumbling blocks was a fear of failure, which continually led me to ever-seeking approval. I sought approval from my parents, my teachers, and my peers, and this constant need for approval did … Continue reading Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.

I find my lack of motivation disturbing….

Yesterday was a long, but good day. I worked the store for the morning, which was a chilly affair. The furnace in the space we rent is still not working properly, and with the -30 to -40 c weather we've been happening, the heat the furnace has been kicking out has not been enough. Thank … Continue reading I find my lack of motivation disturbing….

Gratitude, growth, and future plans

I'm home after nearly two weeks in hospital. My moods are definitely mixed with this admission. I feel like I walked out of the hospital stronger than I ever have in the past. I definitely got more out of this admission than some previous ones, and I feel like there is a plan firmly in … Continue reading Gratitude, growth, and future plans

Admission update: Figuring out how to feel.

Well, after a week, I finally had the opportunity to see Dr. M again. He had been keeping tabs on me through staff, but hadn't seen the need to actually meet with me every day, which I suppose is a good thing. He confirmed this morning that my discharge is set for Friday. I'm not … Continue reading Admission update: Figuring out how to feel.

Uptick

Despite not sleeping very well last night, this morning I have woken up feeling more of a spark than I've had in the last few days. I've been able to get up and get motivated, already finishing up some work, and being able to sketch out some semblance of a plan for the day. The … Continue reading Uptick

CW: Mental health relapse/update

I know I've been absent over the last few days, and that my most recent post was locked. I'll be honest, with the fatigue I've been feeling extending into it's second week, I have not been at my best mentally. I've been struggling with impulsivity, self-harm urges, and ever darkening thoughts. I'm hoping that the … Continue reading CW: Mental health relapse/update