Category: loss

Holding steady…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Depression, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, borderline personality disorder, bpd, branding, contemplation, Contentment, Creativity, Depression, Discipline, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, History, Hope, Injured List, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Road Trip!, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, Sports, Storms, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Alex Andrews on Pexels.com The weekend hasn't been overly busy, but it has been steady. Saturday, I spent most of the day studying, working on my 20th Century History course. It's been feeling good getting back into the swing of things. I also picked up my new office chair on Saturday, and I … Continue reading Holding steady…

Getting by with a bit of inconvenience…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Creativity, DBT Skills, Depression, Discipline, END THE STIGMA, Entertainment, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Legacy, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Novel writing., Original Story, Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, Self-harm, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today has been another quiet day. I let myself sleep in again, trying to kick the remainder of this bug I've been fighting, and aside from heading out to grab groceries haven't been up to much. I've done a bit of gaming, rendering the world of Farcry 5, and also did some grocery shopping, and … Continue reading Getting by with a bit of inconvenience…

Living up to your dash…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Can't Hurt Me, Colour spectrum, contemplation, Contentment, Creativity, DBT Skills, Depression, Discipline, Dogs, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Highlight reel, Hope, journalism, just for fun, keystone habits, Learn from history!, learning new skills, Legacy, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, sparks, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com I was recently watching a motivational video on Youtube, and came across a concept that has kind of stuck with me. The short version is, when we die, as we all inevitably will, what is on our tombstone? Usually your date of birth, a dash, and your date … Continue reading Living up to your dash…

Refocus

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Abandonment, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Bipolar, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Discipline, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Highlight reel, Hope, Impulse control, journalism, keystone habits, Learn from history!, learning new skills, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, small victories, Sports, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Despite the best of intentions, everyone can lose sight of their goals sometimes. Throw in mental health struggles, and the very effort of survival can throw goals a little off course, or right out of sight. Thinking about the last few weeks, I can see that despite the forward progress I've continued to make, that … Continue reading Refocus

Contemplation

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fiction, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, Impulse control, journalism, just for fun, keystone habits, Learn from history!, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, small victories, sparks, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today has been quiet. I was at the church for our annual general meeting this morning, then some research and writing for a bit this afternoon. I was supposed to head to Halkirk to take some photos this afternoon, however since I can barely see across the street, I decided that discretion was the better … Continue reading Contemplation

We lost you a year ago…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, ;, Acceptance, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Hope, keystone habits, Legacy, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I can't believe it's been a year since Lynn's sister passed away. It doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem possible. It seems like just yesterday that she was in our home for the Christmas Holidays, yet I know that that particular memory is over a year old. The last time we saw Brenda was when … Continue reading We lost you a year ago…

Changes and growth

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday, I got the news I was expecting, but still don't like. H confirmed that yesterday was our last appointment "for now." He told me that the guy he was replacing is coming back later this month, although as far as he knows he is actively trying to get a position in Red Deer, and … Continue reading Changes and growth

Self-care

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, grief, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, small victories, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was a somewhat busy day. Being Friday, it was my day to cover the store. it wasn't overly busy, but it was steady. It did provide plenty of opportunity to get my next assignment edited and submitted. Five down, three to go. After I finished at the store, Lynn met me for supper, and … Continue reading Self-care

I remember 9/11

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Habits, Highlight reel, History, journalism, keystone habits, Learn from history!, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-harm, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

It's been eighteen years since the world was changed on that fateful September day. I remember, like a lot of people, exactly where I was when I heard the news that international terrorism had hit the shores of NorthAmerica. I remember turning on the television minutes before the news showed the second plane hitting the … Continue reading I remember 9/11

Shifting winds of life

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, grief, Habits, Hope, Injured List, journalism, keystone habits, loss, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, small victories, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was a quieter day. I covered the store this morning while Lynn had her table set up at our local monthly Farmers Market. The store was dead while I was in there, but apparently it got pretty busy after Lynn took over. After Lynn relieved me at the store, I headed up to the … Continue reading Shifting winds of life

The first step

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Habits, Highlight reel, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Military Motivation, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was a nice low-key day. Finished up some work this morning, then went down to our local business centre where they were hosting a fund-raiser barbecue for our local victims services. I met Lynn there, got a few photos, then this afternoon was laid back. I got a workout in. Only 2.25 miles, I … Continue reading The first step

Breaking Away

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, grief, Highlight reel, journalism, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Road Trip!, Self-care, sheep dogs, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I'm almost feeling guilty, but I'm breaking away for a few days. I'm heading down to Calgary to re-connect with some friends and get away and clear my mind. The reason I'm almost feeling guilty is because I'm leaving Lynn at home on her own with the dogs, during GISH no less. It's what I … Continue reading Breaking Away

July 1, a retrospective on the first six months of 2019.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Family, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, grief, Habits, Hope, Hospital Admission, Injured List, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Legacy, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

At the half way point of the year, I find myself reflecting on the trials our family has faced. Losing Brenda in February, my subsequent hospital admission in March, some changes at the work, and the loss of friends causing me to attend more funerals this than I have been at in the last 10 … Continue reading July 1, a retrospective on the first six months of 2019.

Content Warning: Strike Two in my descent into PTSD

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Habits, History, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com **Any names have been changed for privacy concerns.** The tones dropped just after 2300 hours.  I’d been in bed for an hour already, but while I was at work I was always primed to respond to a call. Just for good measure my partner pounded on the wall between our … Continue reading Content Warning: Strike Two in my descent into PTSD

Content warning: My descent into PTSD. The first call that follows me…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, momments, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Teamwork, Writing Therapy

*Names have been changed and details omitted for confidentiality* I’d been in Emergency Medical Services for around six or seven years when I responded to a call that changed the course of my life.  I was working in Consort, a small community in East Central Alberta, when we received a call for a two-vehicle motor … Continue reading Content warning: My descent into PTSD. The first call that follows me…

Protected: Finding ways to reconnect

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Dogs, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fuck Mental Illness, Furry Family, Goals, grief, Habits, journalism, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Doing okay…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, grief, Hope, journalism, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., People are easily offended, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Another beautiful day in this part of the world. It's both a good and bad thing. The bad is I don't function well in high heat. The good is, I don't have to shovel it.... Today was pretty fair overall. I was up early, got my workout in, and then headed to the local Seniors … Continue reading Doing okay…

Working hard

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Legacy, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today has been quiet in the store, but it's given me opportunity to catch up on some writing. I managed to get a couple of articles written from a meeting earlier in the week, as well as making some come calls and arrangements about other projects I'm working on. I'm definitely feeling better than I … Continue reading Working hard

Back in the saddle

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, Dogs, END THE STIGMA, Entertainment, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Furry Family, Gaming, Goal Setting, Goals, journalism, L.A. Noire, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., PS4, ptsd, Red Dead Redemption 2, reporter, Road Trip!, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was busy! Up and out the door early, conference most of the day, then my first workout in a few days. Damn that felt good. This evening I joined B for supper on his birthday. Still trying to figure out how he ended up cooking on his birthday, but I appreciate the gesture! After … Continue reading Back in the saddle

the long goodbye…we will survive

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, Dogs, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fuck Mental Illness, Furry Family, grief, Hope, Legacy, loss, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

How do you even begin to say goodbye? That is a question that has been running through my mind today, as we say a final goodbye to my sister-in-law Brenda. Today was the day of her burial, after her sudden loss in the beginning of February. With the burial complete, we are closing one chapter … Continue reading the long goodbye…we will survive

Regaining my equilibrium

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, journalism, loss, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Red Dead Redemption 2, reporter, Self-care, Storms, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was definitely a challenge, but I made it through. The hardest part of the day was running the audio/video board at the church today for a friend's funeral. On top of everything else over the last couple of days, it was tough. With where my mind is it would be way too easy to … Continue reading Regaining my equilibrium

Finding company in the shadows.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Family, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Habits, History, Hope, journalism, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday was long and exhausting. I attended a suicide, trauma and mindfulness in first responders workshop in Red Deer yesterday. It made for an early morning, as the all day event started at 0800, and concluded around 1630. It was definitely a worthwhile day. The speaker is someone who has lived with the trauma of … Continue reading Finding company in the shadows.

My safety plan works…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Family, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Self-care, small victories, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Teamwork, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

It feels great to be home and working at my own computer again. I made it home this afternoon at about 1600hrs, and was met at the door with three very happy dogs and one very indifferent cat. It was good to be home. A couple of friends from church were kind enough to come … Continue reading My safety plan works…

“Winning is winning”

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fast cars, Fatigue, Ford Mustang, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, grief, Habits, Hope, journalism, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, Mustang Life, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, reporter, Self-care, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, the fast and the furious, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

It's amazing how much sleep helps my moods. I actually slept pretty good last night, despite waking up a couple times through the night. Mood-wise, today has been mixed. I have been doing tons of journaling since I've been here this admission, including some poetry which I will upload once I get discharged. The outcome … Continue reading “Winning is winning”

Admission update: Growth while going back to basics…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, Dogs, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Furry Family, Goal Setting, Goals, grief, journalism, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

My appointment with the doctor yesterday was good, if not a bit strained. He told me some things I already know, such as I need to change the channel in my mind from dying to living when I get overly stressed. His recommendation for me is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The problem is where to find … Continue reading Admission update: Growth while going back to basics…