Progress with reasonable goals…

Today has been fairly quiet on the home front. I finished up an article for my editor that I started last night, and submitted it, then started on the reading for my next unit in my university course that I am currently taking for my writing. I covered a lot today, though it was mainly … Continue reading Progress with reasonable goals…

Refocus

Despite the best of intentions, everyone can lose sight of their goals sometimes. Throw in mental health struggles, and the very effort of survival can throw goals a little off course, or right out of sight. Thinking about the last few weeks, I can see that despite the forward progress I've continued to make, that … Continue reading Refocus

Contemplation

Today has been quiet. I was at the church for our annual general meeting this morning, then some research and writing for a bit this afternoon. I was supposed to head to Halkirk to take some photos this afternoon, however since I can barely see across the street, I decided that discretion was the better … Continue reading Contemplation

The breaking storm…

I think that slowly but surely, like the weather is warming and the days are getting longer, the storm in my mind is breaking. This morning I woke up feeling like I have more energy, and it was not quite the battle to get out of bed that it has been. Even doing some work … Continue reading The breaking storm…

Gratitude, growth, and future plans

I'm home after nearly two weeks in hospital. My moods are definitely mixed with this admission. I feel like I walked out of the hospital stronger than I ever have in the past. I definitely got more out of this admission than some previous ones, and I feel like there is a plan firmly in … Continue reading Gratitude, growth, and future plans

CW: Rollercoaster…

Edit: today continued to decline and the suicidal thoughts hit me in a wave so hard I had to stop driving as I broke down completely. Definitely not a good day, but my doctor is fitting me in today. I have way too much going on to be this damn tired. While yesterday was an … Continue reading CW: Rollercoaster…

CW: Mental health relapse/update

I know I've been absent over the last few days, and that my most recent post was locked. I'll be honest, with the fatigue I've been feeling extending into it's second week, I have not been at my best mentally. I've been struggling with impulsivity, self-harm urges, and ever darkening thoughts. I'm hoping that the … Continue reading CW: Mental health relapse/update

Scars

Scar:a mark left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn, or sore has not healed completely and fibrous connective tissue has developed. (Google dictionary) I have scars covering a good portion of my arms and legs. Like a road map, they criss-cross my skin, each one a testament to battles fought … Continue reading Scars

A piece of my recovery

As I sit back in my chair soaking in the sun as it crosses the morning horizon I contemplate the journey of life I have been on. Since I left EMS in 2013 my life has been a roller coaster of highs and lows. It's seen too many hospital stays during my worst, and even … Continue reading A piece of my recovery

Borrowed time

I think we are slowly slipping out of winter's grasp. I hope so anyways. I was reading somewhere that Alberta has not faced a cold this severe since the 1930s. I'm tired, but it feels like slowly I am putting myself back together, after the last month. I'm settling into a new routine with work … Continue reading Borrowed time

Why do we have to say goodbye?

Brenda's dogs, Taffy, Skor, and Rolo. Taffy and Rolo are coming home to join our furry family, and Skor has found a home as well. Yesterday was as upbeat a day as one can have while attending a funeral service. The funeral service was very beautifully done, and the message of the priest was very … Continue reading Why do we have to say goodbye?

Ok, I’m a little cracked…

Today has been tiring, but I think I am breaking out of the slide of the last few days. Church this morning went well, and people are loving the work that has gone into the church's AV systems. I was acting as emcee as well as helping in the sound booth so that made life … Continue reading Ok, I’m a little cracked…

Moving Targets

Borderline Personality Disorder is a major psychiatric illness that can be found in the DSM-5 and is described as: a pattern of instability in personal relationships, intense emotions, poor self-image and impulsivity. A person with borderline personality disorder may go to great lengths to avoid being abandoned, have repeated suicide attempts, display inappropriate intense anger or … Continue reading Moving Targets

Mourning the past, welcoming the future.

Today has not been a great day.  Both physically and mentally I've been floundering. The bit of the air goes right through my jacket causing my shoulder to stiffen up as soon as I head outside. By the time I shoveled the front walk enough for Lynn to get too and from the house my … Continue reading Mourning the past, welcoming the future.

“The war isn’t over when the fighting stops.”

Winter seems to be retreating, at least temporarily. The sun is out, and it's warmed up enough to start melting some of the snow again. I for one am happy about this particular turn of events. The last three days have been a whirlwind of activity. Covering several events on Remembrance Day, puttering at home … Continue reading “The war isn’t over when the fighting stops.”

Family

Almost a week into November already. Where has the time gone? Lynn's recovery has been slow, but she seems to be progressing. I even managed to get her out of the house for a bit last night. We met up with some friends at a local fall supper in a neighbouring community. It was a … Continue reading Family

Finding unlikely triggers.

Life has been busy, but I'm not complaining. Nor am I complaining about how varied my days have been. One day I'm covering minor hockey, the next day I am covering municipal town council, and the third I am covering something else. I never thought I would see myself as a reporter, but I am … Continue reading Finding unlikely triggers.

From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise.

*IMAGE from google search, if you own this image I will take it down upon request.* Today has been significantly better, although I have most certainly moved through the stages of grief about my psychiatrist dropping me as a patient. Currently, I am firmly planted on anger. I'm pissed. There is no other way to … Continue reading From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise.

A thought on thoughts

I'm feeling better than I have in quite some time. I'm feeling more rested, and much more at ease with my place in life. That's not to say I don't have my bad days. Suicidal thoughts still cross my mind a few times a week, but at the moment they are nothing that I can't … Continue reading A thought on thoughts

My story isn’t over yet.

The semi-colon is grammatical device that can allow an author to continue with a sentence, instead of ending it. The semi-colon has also been used over the last several years in the mental health community as well. Many people who struggle with mental illness and suicidal thoughts and actions have chosen to have the punctuation … Continue reading My story isn’t over yet.

I hate impulsivity…

I am not a dumb person. So why the hell do I do stupid things. I'm sure that is a question everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. I know I am today. I received a (deserved) earful from L today, because yesterday she let me know that for the first time ever … Continue reading I hate impulsivity…