Trying to give my brain a break…

Today has found me a bit better than yesterday, though I am still feeling fatigued, stressed, and generally emotional. It's been a quiet day today. I made pancakes for lunch for Lynn and I, and then played an hour of Spider Man on the Playstation 4, before settling in to the office to do a … Continue reading Trying to give my brain a break…

Photography road trip…

Today was busier than it felt, despite sleeping in. I made pancakes for lunch for Lynn and I, then ended up cleaning my camera and lenses, because it had been awhile since it's been done, and with the pets, their fur gets everywhere. With that task completed, Lynn, Rolo, and I -Sorry Taffy!!-loaded into the … Continue reading Photography road trip…

Swimming along the wall…

Sometimes doing nothing is doing something. This weekend has been pretty lazy, but I'm not complaining. I've been feeling pretty drained over the last few days, and I'm not 100 per cent sure why. I know that between my writing, looking after the house, school, my photography, and everything else I've had going on, I've … Continue reading Swimming along the wall…

Getting through this pandemic with patience…

Photo by cottonbro on This shutdown continues, with no end in sight, thanks to the Covid 19 Pandemic gripping the world. I know many people are advocating for the loosening of the restrictions that are in place so that the economy can be reopened and people can quit being confined to their homes. I … Continue reading Getting through this pandemic with patience…

Feeling Stable

I am getting tired of sleeping through my alarm clock... I had my alarm set for 7:30 because I had a nine a.m. meeting. I figured it gives me an hour to get up, have coffee, and make myself human. Nope. Woke up at 8:30, and barely made it out the door in time. On … Continue reading Feeling Stable

Good and bad…

The ride-along I was supposed to be doing with our local ambulance crew didn't end up happening. Because of the COVID-19 cases in the province our provincial health authority ended up suspending the entire ride-along program. I'm taking it as both a good and bad thing. It's good because I was worrying about how I … Continue reading Good and bad…

A battle in the war…

I am currently sitting at one of the longest writing streaks that I've had, having done a blog daily for the last 28 days. With my fitness regime, I'm sitting at 4 days straight, which is the longest streak I've had in quite awhile, though I am still keeping at my low intensity workouts for … Continue reading A battle in the war…

Working on time management…

With five shows down, we have passed the half way point of this year's theatre run. The show has been going good and I have been enjoying my role doing the AV for the production, but I think I'm looking forward to the show wrapping too. Things are getting busier, and it's just one more … Continue reading Working on time management…

Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.

Fear is something we all face, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. I know as a youth, one of my biggest stumbling blocks was a fear of failure, which continually led me to ever-seeking approval. I sought approval from my parents, my teachers, and my peers, and this constant need for approval did … Continue reading Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.

Over thinking

Over thinking always gets me into trouble. The latest example of this is in my English course. I'm currently in the process of writing my third assignment, and I was having an issue figuring out one of the concepts of this unit. After a discussion with my course tutor I realized that I was over … Continue reading Over thinking

Admission update: Figuring out how to feel.

Well, after a week, I finally had the opportunity to see Dr. M again. He had been keeping tabs on me through staff, but hadn't seen the need to actually meet with me every day, which I suppose is a good thing. He confirmed this morning that my discharge is set for Friday. I'm not … Continue reading Admission update: Figuring out how to feel.

I remember 9/11

It's been eighteen years since the world was changed on that fateful September day. I remember, like a lot of people, exactly where I was when I heard the news that international terrorism had hit the shores of NorthAmerica. I remember turning on the television minutes before the news showed the second plane hitting the … Continue reading I remember 9/11

The old country church

Lynn and I went out into the back country a few days ago, and along our travels we found this old church. The church is called Notre Dam de Savoie, north of Halkirk. Notre Dame de Savoie Church, north of Halkirk. Kevin J Sabo photo. Being a sucker for history, I had to stop and … Continue reading The old country church

Clean slate

People have good days and bad days. For me, yesterday was definitely the later. Yesterday was a low energy, low mood kind of day. I'm frustrated. I took the trip to Calgary to rest and recover and try and gain some balance with my mental health. The trip was supposed to recharge and refresh me, … Continue reading Clean slate

We are the sum of our parts.

I can be very all or nothing. I've been that way with many things in my life. Work. Relationships. Fitness. The biggest problem I had would be having the motivation for any of the above fall away after a short time. For instance, with the fitness, I would set lofty and in hindsight often unobtainable … Continue reading We are the sum of our parts.

My emotional spectrum

I don't experience emotion the way most people do. As someone who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder, a serious and often very stigmatized illness, my emotional thermostat is permanently unsettled, and the range of emotions I feel is a lot broader than most. I feel highs and lows at the extremes, without much middle ground. … Continue reading My emotional spectrum

The past hurts

I've been feeling the grind this week, while Lynn has been away. Between looking after the store, the house, and my other commitments my fatigue level is definitely climbing. It's been a good week though. I've gotten a bunch of yard work done so the back yard is looking good for when Lynn gets home, … Continue reading The past hurts

Content Warning; My story next steps and suicide attempt

After I left the ambulance in the fall of 2013, I was in a tailspin. I ended up in hospital for two separate admissions approaching six weeks in length, under the same doctor, who was also my treating doctor in the community. Through this point he still refused to give me a diagnosis of Post … Continue reading Content Warning; My story next steps and suicide attempt

Content Warning: Strike Two in my descent into PTSD

Photo by Pixabay on **Any names have been changed for privacy concerns.** The tones dropped just after 2300 hours.  I’d been in bed for an hour already, but while I was at work I was always primed to respond to a call. Just for good measure my partner pounded on the wall between our … Continue reading Content Warning: Strike Two in my descent into PTSD

Dissecting intrusive thoughts

Another busy day. The last few days have been hectic. They've been a good hectic, but hectic none the less. The type of hectic where if I don't pump the brakes I am going to be headed for a world of hurt. Pumping the brakes is exactly what I am going to do. This evening … Continue reading Dissecting intrusive thoughts

Today was a long fricking day. Up and out the door by 8 a.m. to head to Calgary to meet with a W.C.B. doctor. Today's appointment was an independent consultation to see how I have progressed in my recovery and if there is any permanent remnants of the P.T.S.D. lingering. The interview he did with … Continue reading

Exploring the world around me.

Today a friend and I met for lunch, then took off to explore this county around us. We covered a lot of ground, visiting four cemeteries that date back to the early 1900s, checked out a couple of old vehicles that have been left to decay on a long abandoned homestead, and checked out some … Continue reading Exploring the world around me.

Finding company in the shadows.

Yesterday was long and exhausting. I attended a suicide, trauma and mindfulness in first responders workshop in Red Deer yesterday. It made for an early morning, as the all day event started at 0800, and concluded around 1630. It was definitely a worthwhile day. The speaker is someone who has lived with the trauma of … Continue reading Finding company in the shadows.

Trying to find an emotional balance.

I am feeling broken. The weight of the last couple weeks seems to have landed on me today, leaving me tired, overwhelmed, and rung out. I know it's part of grief, that I will have good days and bad days. What makes the waters even murkier is the emotional volatility that I already deal with. … Continue reading Trying to find an emotional balance.

We have the education on mental health/illness. Now show me the money so it can be eradicated.

Today is Bell's Let's Talk day campaign, where they donate a bunch of money to mental health initiatives. The funding helps but is no where close to enough. On average our province spends around 7 per cent of it's health care dollars on mental health. The national average is 7.2 per cent. As a patient … Continue reading We have the education on mental health/illness. Now show me the money so it can be eradicated.