Category: Emergency medical services

Waking up functional…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Discipline, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fiction, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Novel writing., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today wasn't as productive as I would have liked, but it was still productive none-the-less. I started the morning doing some telephone interviews for a story I'm working on, then it was off to the store for the day. The store was quiet, but I did manage to get some creative writing done. I attempted … Continue reading Waking up functional…

Getting through this pandemic…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, coffee...., Colour spectrum, contemplation, Contentment, Creativity, DBT Skills, Depression, Discipline, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Highlight reel, Hope, journalism, just for fun, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Novel writing., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, Social Media, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Despite my anxiety being peaked with everything going on in the world, I think I'm doing okay. I've managed to get myself back into a regular workout routine, even re-introducing the weight component with yesterday's workout. So far, I've been on the treadmill everyday this week for 30 to 40 minutes, and I'm already noticing … Continue reading Getting through this pandemic…

Heroes

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, #heroes, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Can't Hurt Me, contemplation, Contentment, Creativity, David Goggins Motivation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Entertainment, Faith, Fiction, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, Hospital Admission, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Military Motivation, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., NavySEALs, Novel writing., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, Self-harm, sheep dogs, small victories, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.comSome heroes wear capes. Others wear bunker gear and uniforms. I'm feeling the love today. My Facebook page has blown up with birthday well-wishes, and I am grateful. I know I haven't been in a great headspace lately. I know I've been struggling and feeling overwhelmed. The support means the world … Continue reading Heroes

Complacency and finding my ‘why.’

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, growth, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Old habits die hard, Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Road Trip!, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, Sports, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I know I need to make a change. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com I need to make time to look after myself mentally and physically. It's not that I'm in a bad place right now, it's just I need to find the motivation to make a lasting change. If I can get myself back into … Continue reading Complacency and finding my ‘why.’

Sparks

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, Creativity, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, sparks, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Malte Lu on Pexels.com The last few years have been rough. There is no getting around that. I still miss my past life as an EMT. I had a love and passion for that job that I can't explain. I loved the adrenaline rush when the tones would drop. I loved that I … Continue reading Sparks

Over thinking

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Entertainment, Faith, Family, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, History, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Over thinking always gets me into trouble. The latest example of this is in my English course. I'm currently in the process of writing my third assignment, and I was having an issue figuring out one of the concepts of this unit. After a discussion with my course tutor I realized that I was over … Continue reading Over thinking

Moving Forward

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Abandonment, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Goal Setting, Habits, Hope, Injured List, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Red Dead Redemption 2, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was a quiet one. I took the doctors orders to heart and gave myself another day to just let my body rest. It's not like I did nothing though. I finished a book, slept, and played some Red Dead 2. As far as actual productivity I got some files cleaned up on my external … Continue reading Moving Forward

I remember 9/11

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Habits, Highlight reel, History, journalism, keystone habits, Learn from history!, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-harm, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

It's been eighteen years since the world was changed on that fateful September day. I remember, like a lot of people, exactly where I was when I heard the news that international terrorism had hit the shores of NorthAmerica. I remember turning on the television minutes before the news showed the second plane hitting the … Continue reading I remember 9/11

Faking self-confidence?

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Legacy, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Physical injury, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, small victories, Storms, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I've been feeling good, albeit tired, lately. I have truly been blessed and am grateful for the good I have in my life. My mental-health treatment goes well. I have a fantastic team up between M and H and my family doc. I still don't have a new psychiatrist yet, but with where I am … Continue reading Faking self-confidence?

I would rather try and fail…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Creativity, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Part of me is wondering what the hell I signed up for, another is ready to take on the challenge. I spent some time in my text book today, and even got an early start on the first lesson, which which is mainly a punctuation refresher. Looking through some of the other chapters, I can … Continue reading I would rather try and fail…

PTSD in First Responders

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Habits, journalism, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Trauma is a part of life. It happens everyday to people across the world. Here's the thing with trauma. The brain is not equipped to handle it. Working on Ambulance I came upon more than enough trauma, and it left it's mark on me. The fatalities are bad memories, but the ones with with severe … Continue reading PTSD in First Responders

We are the sum of our parts.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Family, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, History, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Old habits die hard, Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I can be very all or nothing. I've been that way with many things in my life. Work. Relationships. Fitness. The biggest problem I had would be having the motivation for any of the above fall away after a short time. For instance, with the fitness, I would set lofty and in hindsight often unobtainable … Continue reading We are the sum of our parts.

Content Warning; My story next steps and suicide attempt

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, History, Hospital Admission, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Scars, Self-care, Self-harm, sheep dogs, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

After I left the ambulance in the fall of 2013, I was in a tailspin. I ended up in hospital for two separate admissions approaching six weeks in length, under the same doctor, who was also my treating doctor in the community. Through this point he still refused to give me a diagnosis of Post … Continue reading Content Warning; My story next steps and suicide attempt

Content Warning: Hitting bottom…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com The late-night calls were starting to get to me.  We were toned out for a call in the early hours of the morning for an unconscious unresponsive male. We dressed quickly and headed to the ambulance, and we responded with lights and siren.  We followed the directions into the rural … Continue reading Content Warning: Hitting bottom…

Content Warning: MVC, Suicide, now a homicide..

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Self-care, Storms, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

It was another late-night call.  We were responding to a rural property a little way out of town where there was a man down. We were told to stage a couple miles from the property while the R.C.M.P. secured the scene. Seeing as we had gotten chewed out a few weeks prior for not waiting … Continue reading Content Warning: MVC, Suicide, now a homicide..

Content Warning: Strike Two in my descent into PTSD

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Habits, History, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com **Any names have been changed for privacy concerns.** The tones dropped just after 2300 hours.  I’d been in bed for an hour already, but while I was at work I was always primed to respond to a call. Just for good measure my partner pounded on the wall between our … Continue reading Content Warning: Strike Two in my descent into PTSD

Content warning: My descent into PTSD. The first call that follows me…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, momments, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Teamwork, Writing Therapy

*Names have been changed and details omitted for confidentiality* I’d been in Emergency Medical Services for around six or seven years when I responded to a call that changed the course of my life.  I was working in Consort, a small community in East Central Alberta, when we received a call for a two-vehicle motor … Continue reading Content warning: My descent into PTSD. The first call that follows me…

Knowing where I’ve been is helping me figure out where I’m going.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Highlight reel, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Marvel, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, Sports, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Tonight, I am feeling tired, but somewhat recharged. Today was a quiet day. I spent some time poking around our local museum where a work bee was going on to get things ship shape again after the renovations. I got some writing done, and I got a workout in later in the afternoon, as I … Continue reading Knowing where I’ve been is helping me figure out where I’m going.

Tired in the now.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, Depression, Dogs, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Habits, Hope, journalism, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, Sports, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

The fatigue is sinking it's claws deeper and deeper into me. It's 9 p.m, as I write this and I am ready for bed. I just feel drained. As tired as I am feeling though, I'm not feeling the sense of hopelessness that typically accompanies such a soul sucking depletion of my core energy. I'm … Continue reading Tired in the now.

How anxiety changes my style of play.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, grief, Hope, journalism, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Considering how rough the last few months have been, I'm amazed that mentally I'm maintaining as well as I am. I've slowly been getting back into my workout regime, and things have slowly been leveling out. My anxiety has been peaked though, and I'm not sure why. My chest has been tight, I've been jumpy, … Continue reading How anxiety changes my style of play.

The sheepdog

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, Dogs, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Furry Family, Goals, Hope, journalism, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I'm enjoying a bit of a change of pace. This week has been slower than my last couple of weeks, although my Thursday and Friday are looking busy this week. It's a good thing though. I need to keep myself somewhat active. I need to keep my mind somewhat active. I just have to pace … Continue reading The sheepdog

I have no problem with stupid people, I just have issue when they drag me into their stupidity…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fast cars, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, journalism, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Old habits die hard, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

When will people bloody well learn that drinking and driving is not acceptable. Period. End of story. I realise that people can be idiots by nature, but it annoys me no end when they drag me in to the midst of their stupidity. Just after midnight last night, Lynn and I were in bed, and … Continue reading I have no problem with stupid people, I just have issue when they drag me into their stupidity…

Working on my photography

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Emergency medical services, END THE STIGMA, Gaming, Hope, journalism, just for fun, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Red Dead Redemption 2, reporter, Self-care, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was steady, if not overly busy. Ran a couple errands for the bookstore, checked out the town rummage sale, and managed to scoop up a couple of good deals, met a friend for lunch, then back to the rummage sale. I managed to get a good workout in this afternoon, finally incorporating the third … Continue reading Working on my photography

Finding company in the shadows.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Family, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Habits, History, Hope, journalism, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday was long and exhausting. I attended a suicide, trauma and mindfulness in first responders workshop in Red Deer yesterday. It made for an early morning, as the all day event started at 0800, and concluded around 1630. It was definitely a worthwhile day. The speaker is someone who has lived with the trauma of … Continue reading Finding company in the shadows.

Slow burn

by thrutheashesblog, posted in Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, journalism, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, reporter, Self-care, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

No workout today. First one I've missed in nearly two weeks, and that's alright. My body needed a day to recover. I still managed to exceed my step goal today, though. just over 11,000 steps. It doesn't hurt matters any that I walked to church and back for todays service. It further doesn't hurt matters … Continue reading Slow burn