Seeing in grey…

Recovery in mental illness is hard. It's not like a physical injury that can be seen. There is no casino splints, nothing visual that clues people in that something is wrong. Mental illness is all internal. Mental illness is painful. It affects relationships. It makes you question your own abilities and confidence. For significant mental … Continue reading Seeing in grey…

Trying to give my brain a break…

Today has found me a bit better than yesterday, though I am still feeling fatigued, stressed, and generally emotional. It's been a quiet day today. I made pancakes for lunch for Lynn and I, and then played an hour of Spider Man on the Playstation 4, before settling in to the office to do a … Continue reading Trying to give my brain a break…

Reflex… DBT Skill

Today is one of those days that I'm feeling like I accomplished nothing, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary. I was up around 9:30, and played some Red Dead Redemption 2 for a bit while Lynn slept. After she got up, I caught up on some dishes, vacuumed, and cleaned up the back yard … Continue reading Reflex… DBT Skill

Feeling Stable

I am getting tired of sleeping through my alarm clock... I had my alarm set for 7:30 because I had a nine a.m. meeting. I figured it gives me an hour to get up, have coffee, and make myself human. Nope. Woke up at 8:30, and barely made it out the door in time. On … Continue reading Feeling Stable

Getting through this pandemic…

Despite my anxiety being peaked with everything going on in the world, I think I'm doing okay. I've managed to get myself back into a regular workout routine, even re-introducing the weight component with yesterday's workout. So far, I've been on the treadmill everyday this week for 30 to 40 minutes, and I'm already noticing … Continue reading Getting through this pandemic…

Living up to your dash…

Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com I was recently watching a motivational video on Youtube, and came across a concept that has kind of stuck with me. The short version is, when we die, as we all inevitably will, what is on our tombstone? Usually your date of birth, a dash, and your date … Continue reading Living up to your dash…

Refocus

Despite the best of intentions, everyone can lose sight of their goals sometimes. Throw in mental health struggles, and the very effort of survival can throw goals a little off course, or right out of sight. Thinking about the last few weeks, I can see that despite the forward progress I've continued to make, that … Continue reading Refocus

Busy with goals…

Our theatre performance has finished for another year. With my involvement in practises running since January and the eight recent performances, it's been a buys few weeks. It's been a nice diversion, but truth be told, I'm kind of glad that it's wrapped. It has been a big commitment of time and energy, and now … Continue reading Busy with goals…

Looking forward to routine…

I've been busy over the past week, and I'm feeling it. My energy has still been such that I am managing to make it through the day and get done what I need to, but I haven't had much energy for anything else. That's been the frustrating part. I continue to lose the war with … Continue reading Looking forward to routine…

Pushing through the fatigue and keeping busy…

Today has been interesting. I started this morning off conducting an interview with my town's two doctors, then headed down to the store and had lunch with Lynn. When I got home, I had a chat with my editor in regard to the interview this morning then headed onto the treadmill for a workout. The … Continue reading Pushing through the fatigue and keeping busy…

Contemplation

Today has been quiet. I was at the church for our annual general meeting this morning, then some research and writing for a bit this afternoon. I was supposed to head to Halkirk to take some photos this afternoon, however since I can barely see across the street, I decided that discretion was the better … Continue reading Contemplation

Emptiness despite success…

Photo by burak kostak on Pexels.com I'm happy with how the first of eight showings of the Castor Little Theatre production of "Dry Streak" happened yesterday. Despite the simplicity of the play, the show is keeping my busy, and challenged in the AV booth, which is not a bad thing. I'm equally grateful that today … Continue reading Emptiness despite success…

Complacency and finding my ‘why.’

I know I need to make a change. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com I need to make time to look after myself mentally and physically. It's not that I'm in a bad place right now, it's just I need to find the motivation to make a lasting change. If I can get myself back into … Continue reading Complacency and finding my ‘why.’

The end of a decade…

Suffice it to say, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. With all the growth in the past year, how can I be? Then again, the growth has not been limited to the last year. I find it hard to believe that not only are we a matter hours away from a … Continue reading The end of a decade…

downtime…

For a switch, today was a much quieter, yet still productive day. I slept in, played some Playstation, then opened the store for Lynn while she nursed a migraine. After she made it down to the store I ended up meeting with MF to have lunch and discuss plans for our the upcoming training we … Continue reading downtime…

Learning my craft

Over this last weekend I attended a photography workshop with Greg Johnson, the Tornado Hunter. I've learned a lot about photography in the last couple years, however the basic course I took the weekend reenforced the foundation that I had built. The course was definitely worth the time and money that it took. Using humour, … Continue reading Learning my craft

Admission update: Figuring out how to feel.

Well, after a week, I finally had the opportunity to see Dr. M again. He had been keeping tabs on me through staff, but hadn't seen the need to actually meet with me every day, which I suppose is a good thing. He confirmed this morning that my discharge is set for Friday. I'm not … Continue reading Admission update: Figuring out how to feel.

Back to basics

The upcoming week looks like it's going to be pretty light, and I am not going to object. Over the last few weeks I've been pushing hard, with work and school. I've been pushing in what is typically my worst time of year of year. The bright side is I haven't ended up in hospital, … Continue reading Back to basics

My emotional spectrum

I don't experience emotion the way most people do. As someone who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder, a serious and often very stigmatized illness, my emotional thermostat is permanently unsettled, and the range of emotions I feel is a lot broader than most. I feel highs and lows at the extremes, without much middle ground. … Continue reading My emotional spectrum

The grind

Lynn is off to Saskatchewan for a week, and I am going to be looking after the home-front grind. Looking after the dogs, the house, the store, and myself is going to keep me busy. That's good though. The structure is good to have. With any luck the fence, which has been under construction for … Continue reading The grind

Newton’s law, staying in motion, and staying accountable.

Yesterday was a record breaking day for me. It was the first day that I logged over 20,000 steps. By the end of the day I definitely felt every step. I was tired. As tired as I was those, I felt accomplished too. I didn't set out to try to break the record yesterday, it … Continue reading Newton’s law, staying in motion, and staying accountable.

Being uncommon among the common

"Be uncommon among the common people." -David Goggins. The quote above came up while I was watching a video during my workout this morning. It's a powerful statement. All through life we are taught to go along to get along. We are taught not to stand out. Com bine that with society's propensity to find … Continue reading Being uncommon among the common

Time Management

It's hard to stay motivated, life so easily gets in the way. Work. School. The latest, greatest movie. Friends in trouble. There always seems to be something coming up that makes it way too easy to say "I'm too busy to workout today," or "I'll workout tomorrow." The thing is life happens, and it comes … Continue reading Time Management

I am not where I wanted to be, but I’m finding my passion again.

A pretty light day today. I had an appointment at the weight loss clinic in our medical practise today, and found out that I have lost 6 pounds of fat and gained a pound and a half of muscle in the last eight weeks. Considering I feel like I plateaued, that is still some significant … Continue reading I am not where I wanted to be, but I’m finding my passion again.

July 1, a retrospective on the first six months of 2019.

At the half way point of the year, I find myself reflecting on the trials our family has faced. Losing Brenda in February, my subsequent hospital admission in March, some changes at the work, and the loss of friends causing me to attend more funerals this than I have been at in the last 10 … Continue reading July 1, a retrospective on the first six months of 2019.