Comfort and growth…

I've said before that the only constant in life is change. Dr. M and I connected for my six week post-discharge appointment. It was a good, positive, discussion and he agreed to follow up with me again in the middle of January, post holidays. The one thing that he did say, which has my brain … Continue reading Comfort and growth…

Learning balance and time management…

Photo by Aphiwat chuangchoem on Pexels.com This evening finds me in a contemplative mood. Today was a pretty light day. I let myself sleep in, then did a few hours of coursework. I managed to finish off another module of my 20th Century history course, this time studying how Hitler used the 1936 Berlin Olympiad … Continue reading Learning balance and time management…

Figuring out how far I can push myself…

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com Well, this has been a week. I've definitely been pushing myself hard this week. It seems like events and newsworthy activities have exploded in the region this week, and I've had a lot of articles to write as a result. As well, I spent some time attempting to make some … Continue reading Figuring out how far I can push myself…

Waging a campaign of health…

Photo by Victor Freitas on Pexels.com The last few days have continued to remain somewhat busy. Yesterday was spent in the office, working on stories for the paper. I had three to do from earlier in the week, and I'll still have more to do early in the week. I'm enjoying it though, for the … Continue reading Waging a campaign of health…

Seeing in grey…

Recovery in mental illness is hard. It's not like a physical injury that can be seen. There is no casino splints, nothing visual that clues people in that something is wrong. Mental illness is all internal. Mental illness is painful. It affects relationships. It makes you question your own abilities and confidence. For significant mental … Continue reading Seeing in grey…

Going Forward… Goals

I'm sitting at over 560 blog posts since I started this journey in the fall of 2017. That's a lot of time behind the keyboard. I am grateful from my community support in doing this blog, and have no plans to end it any time soon, however lately I have been thinking about what my … Continue reading Going Forward… Goals

Why I’m not panicking, yet…

One thing that is really surprising about all the events going on in the world is that my anxiety is not climbing. There could be a few reasons why this situation isn't affecting me more: I already live with a heightened state of awareness due to my anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and this … Continue reading Why I’m not panicking, yet…

Contemplation

Today has been quiet. I was at the church for our annual general meeting this morning, then some research and writing for a bit this afternoon. I was supposed to head to Halkirk to take some photos this afternoon, however since I can barely see across the street, I decided that discretion was the better … Continue reading Contemplation

Unsettled

Wow, am I unsettled this morning. I don't feel like I slept well last night, and in general I am just feeling spacey. I'm hoping it is a feeling I can shake off prior to our theatre performance this after noon. Today we are running through the dress rehearsal before the show opens for real … Continue reading Unsettled

Discomfort

The last couple of days have been busy. Between school, house-chores and writing for the paper I haven't had a bunch of downtime. I don't know why, but I found yesterday particularly hard. I had anxiety move into my chest yesterday morning, and it didn't budge all day. It led me to feel tired and … Continue reading Discomfort

We are the sum of our parts.

I can be very all or nothing. I've been that way with many things in my life. Work. Relationships. Fitness. The biggest problem I had would be having the motivation for any of the above fall away after a short time. For instance, with the fitness, I would set lofty and in hindsight often unobtainable … Continue reading We are the sum of our parts.

Being uncommon among the common

"Be uncommon among the common people." -David Goggins. The quote above came up while I was watching a video during my workout this morning. It's a powerful statement. All through life we are taught to go along to get along. We are taught not to stand out. Com bine that with society's propensity to find … Continue reading Being uncommon among the common

Worth it.

I'm going to take a break from continuing my story for a few days. It's been cathartic talking about the calls and the steps since, however it's also been quite draining so it's time to take a break. Things have been going pretty good for me lately. Things with Lynn and I are going good, … Continue reading Worth it.

Protected: Finding ways to reconnect

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Getting my hands dirty

Yesterday, I did something abnormal. Wanting to get moving a bit and enjoy some of the beautiful weather we were having, I actually went out to do some weeding in the garden. I'm not a gardener. Never have been. It's definitely not in my top 10 list of most pleasurable activities. Truth be told, a … Continue reading Getting my hands dirty

Dissecting intrusive thoughts

Another busy day. The last few days have been hectic. They've been a good hectic, but hectic none the less. The type of hectic where if I don't pump the brakes I am going to be headed for a world of hurt. Pumping the brakes is exactly what I am going to do. This evening … Continue reading Dissecting intrusive thoughts

Road trip…

Well, today has "long day" written all over it. I had a hard time falling asleep last night, even with my usual meds, and today is a solo daytrip to Calgary to go see a WCB doc. The appointment is not really concerning to me, but the 6 hours round trip with not great sleep … Continue reading Road trip…

“Winning is winning”

It's amazing how much sleep helps my moods. I actually slept pretty good last night, despite waking up a couple times through the night. Mood-wise, today has been mixed. I have been doing tons of journaling since I've been here this admission, including some poetry which I will upload once I get discharged. The outcome … Continue reading “Winning is winning”

Sometimes stopping isn’t the answer…

Little Theatre is done for the year, and I am grateful to have again taken part. Despite the adversity I've dealt with during the month of February, I am grateful for the experience and for the production that this group of talented individuals managed to bring together. The hours may have been long, but seeing … Continue reading Sometimes stopping isn’t the answer…

The passing storm

Two days into March, and it's still warmer in my freezer than it is outside. Paintearth County, July 1, 2018. Kevin J Sabo photo The last month has definitely been long. With the severe weather, the sudden trip to Saskatchewan, little theatre, and the addition of the two extra dogs into our home, I can … Continue reading The passing storm

Trying to find an emotional balance.

I am feeling broken. The weight of the last couple weeks seems to have landed on me today, leaving me tired, overwhelmed, and rung out. I know it's part of grief, that I will have good days and bad days. What makes the waters even murkier is the emotional volatility that I already deal with. … Continue reading Trying to find an emotional balance.

Adjustments

Today is my fortieth birthday, and I'm home after a few days in Saskatchewan helping Lynn and the family say goodbye to Brenda after her sudden passing. My sister and I made it home on Friday, and then she carried on North, while I've been trying to get back into a new routine with the … Continue reading Adjustments

If the sun comes up tomorrow

This has been a long week. Since traveling to Saskatchewan on Wednesday, it has been a whirlwind. We've been grieving the loss of Brenda, my sister-in-law, after she succumbed to a complication of a knee surgery. The Medical Examiner did come back to us with a Cause of Death. Apparantly she developed a clot from … Continue reading If the sun comes up tomorrow

Rest easy

On Monday, our world ground to a stop. I write this as we are traveling to Saskatchewan to say goodbye to my sister in-law, Lynn's sister, Brenda. Brenda was found deceased in her home on Monday by my mother-in-law and a friend of Brenda. We have no idea what the cause of death was, and … Continue reading Rest easy

Seeing beyond black and white… finding hope that the opposites exist when they can’t be seen.

I am looking at the upcoming week with both dread and relief. Not so long ago it would have been on or the other. It is yet another soft marker as to how I am feeling mentally. When I'm at my worst mentally I fit the typical BPD trait of seeing things in black or … Continue reading Seeing beyond black and white… finding hope that the opposites exist when they can’t be seen.