Growth in challenge…

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Unfortunately, I’ve had a little bit of a reality check lately.

I got my second assignment done for my Prose class, as well as the first course for my Communications.

The assignment for the Communications course was okay, however the Prose I am finding challenging. I ended up with a score of 62 per cent on the Prose assignment, the lowest score I’ve received on any assignment to date. Not going to lie, that mark stung.

I’m not sure why I’m having such a hard time writing for this course. It just seems that when it comes to writing about writing, I am floundering. I have one more assignment and the final exam to try and get my mark up to a level where I will at least pass the course.

The Communications course I am finding challenging as well, but to a lesser extent. The problem with that course is it is really dry, with a lot of information to absorb. Still, I am grinding away at both of the courses, as well as work.

As far as work goes, with the province opening back up I had a few events to cover in addition to my regular beats. All in all, I’ve been finding both courses and work tough to juggle, but so far I am managing to balance things.

I’m also managing to keep up with exercise, which I know for a fact is helping. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve managed to do five or six days, and I am feeling great for it. My resting heart rate has come way down, and my pacing has improved significantly. Even on weight days, where I am doing the interval training on the treadmill between weight sets, things are going so much smoother. I’m actually feeling somewhat energized from the fitness. When I initially started this routine, I was seriously questioning my life choices.

I think my anxiety about my courses is being kept in check by the exercise. In the past, I would have been gutted with a mark of 62 per cent. The dark voices would have come back full strength, whispering doubts in my ear. Quite likely, self-harm wouldn’t have been off the table. I would have wanted to punish my body for the failure of the mind.

Instead of letting myself go down that dark path, I’ve stopped and reassessed my situation. While I am definitely unhappy with the mark, I am grateful that it is still a pass. I’ve realized that so far in my education, my writing style has meshed fairly well with the instructors assigned to each of my classes. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be the case with this one. I seem to be missing some pieces somewhere, at least where it comes to writing about writing.

Something else I’ve realized is, up until this point, the content has been challenging, but to be honest, I really hadn’t had to work at things as hard as I am now. Add in the fact that I am doing two courses now instead of just one, and the challenge is amplified. Not to mention the fact that these are university level courses, and they are meant to challenge me. If it was easy, everyone would do it.

So, where do I go from here?

I reevaluate everything in relation to my end goal, which is getting my degree. That’s the goal. Period.

It’s not going to matter down the road if I pass the Prose course with a 91 per cent, or a 51. A pass is a pass, and three credits are three credits, contributing to my end goal.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to just coast though. I’m going to dig in, and do the work. I’m going to review my assignment, in detail, to figure out where I want wrong. I’m going to try and learn from my mistakes. I’m also going to let myself remember that what will be, will be. I can’t control the future. Hell, I could get hit by a truck tomorrow, and this entire discussion would be moot.

I’m going to embrace the challenge, of both courses. I’m going to stay the course with work, and my fitness regime. I’m going to embrace the suck, for I know that it is when I am challenged that maximal growth will occur. And, not that I want to go there, if I do happen to fail the course, there will be growth in that too. Not to mention it will be only one course of close to 40 I have to take.

This mindset is definitely different than it used to be, and for that I am grateful.


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