I haven’t written much lately, for a few reasons.
First, I’ve been busy with work and school. The last week had me catching and writing-up several meetings, as well as conducting several interviews for a project. As far as school goes, I’ve been pushing hard to get my history course done as well as begin the English Lit course, which officially starts on Tuesday.
Second, I’ve been dealing with my ankle injury. I saw the kinesiologist yesterday, and she recommended a variety of stretches for my lower body, as well as investing in some arch-support insoles. I picked up a pair from the drug store, and am already finding a huge difference.
Third, Lynn has been under the weather all week, so I have been spending some time with her, though I did end up working the store for her today.
Fourth, with the nice weather that has come in, I’ve been working on getting our lawn cut. It’s been challenged by the fact that our battery-operated electric mower doesn’t seem to be holding as much of a charge as it used. Keeping in mind that the beast is going on six or seven years old, it wouldn’t surprise me if it is starting to die. That said, the mower blade is pretty beat up, so I’m going to get it sharpened and see if that helps it cut any better. Still, I have been spending at least a bit more time outside trying to get the lawn finished.
Finally, I haven’t felt that I have much to write about. I’ve been pushing hard with school. I’ve been working. I haven’t been taking much in the way of photos, though in all fairness I was in Edmonton last Friday for a photo client.
Mentally, I am doing better than I have been in quite a long time. Despite the blip I had at the end of March and beginning of April, I have been doing well. I’ve been maintaining at a fairly high level, and I haven’t been getting overwhelmed. When I go to bed at night, I’m tired. I’m tired because I have been at least somewhat productive. It’s nothing like the soul-sucking fatigue I dealt with previously though.
I had a friend check in with me, worried about how much I’ve taken on. I told him the truth, that right now I AM doing well, and that despite the odd issue I am having with time management, I am not feeling overwhelmed. In fact, with everything I’ve had going on, I’m feeing driven. I feel like the school work, and everything else, has actually been somewhat energizing. Don’t get me wrong though, I still am taking time out to relax. The funny thing is, now that I’m doing what I love, I want to do the relaxation things, such as television, even less.
I know my history. I know what goes up must come down. I know I can’t maintain at this level forever, though I’m going to push for as long as I can. When I can’t? I back off a bit, deal with what I have to, and then push on again.
The thing is, something I have to keep reminding myself is the fact that I am not that broken down wreck of a man as I was when I left the ambulance service so long ago. I have been on a hell of a journey.
When I started on this journey as a writer, I second guessed myself often. I felt gutted when I made errors, of which I have made a few. However, as I proceeded down the path, the amount of editing my editor would have to do on my work was decreased. My confidence improved.
When I started school again, I agonized over the essays I submitted. Yet, while the individual marks varied somewhat, they have remained consistently in the 80-90 per cent range. Again, these marks have been a boost to my confidence. This confidence has made me better in my job, and in my life. My mental health symptoms have been greatly reduced as a result.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I know that challenge and adversity can linger around any corner. What I do know is that the events of my past have led me to this point, and for the first time in a long time the future seems brighter. I have a direction. I have the support of friends and family.
I honestly don’t know that I would wish my experiences on my worst enemy, but I also don’t think I would change a thing.