Struggling with sleep…

Photo by Christian Domingues on

I think one of the biggest reasons being admitted to hospital helps as much as it does is because it helps reset my sleep patterns.

Looking back at all the times I’ve struggled and ended up in hospital, one common thread is that my sleep patterns have been screwed up. While assessing the struggles with mood and fatigue I am currently facing, I don’t have to look hard to realize that my sleep patterns have again been knocked out of whack.

This fact is blatantly apparent by the fact that I am still up when Lynn, who doesn’t usually go to bed until 1230, comes to bed. I cannot underscore the importance of sleep for me, and how much a disrupted sleep pattern messes with me.

While I have definitely been struggling a bit over the last few days, I am going to try and reset my sleep routine at home, before things get out of hand to the point I need to be admitted. Starting last night, I’m taking my sleep meds a lot earlier in the evening, and heading to bed earlier. Last night I was asleep by quarter after eleven. I’m hoping a few days of that’ll and maybe getting my sleep back to ten-thirty or so, will help pick me up again, as well as make it easier to get out of bed in the morning.

Something else that my admissions to the hospital help reset is my screen time. Cutting down my screen time while I am home is hard at home. With all my work and school being online, curbing my screen time while I am at home is a challenge, though something I definitely need to work on doing, particularly before bed.

I’m hoping that I can take the lessons learned from my previous admissions, and get my sleep back under control. I know that getting my sleep back under control will be a big factor in getting everything else back into line.

To that end, for the next few days I’m going to take my sleep meds earlier than usual, hopefully putting me out by eleven instead of one. As for the screen time, I’m working on being more mindful with my online activities. I’m aiming to more work, and less mindless scrolling of Facebook or Twitter. Yes, I need my phone for my job, but I don’t need to be on it as much as I am.

I’m planning to go to the walk-in clinic tomorrow to see if I can get a prescription for an extra sleep med, which I use infrequently. The problem is, when I need it, I need it, and I am currently running low.

Work-wise, I have a few things for this week, but in general the schedule is pretty light. I’m making some progress with my next module of my history course. I’m thinking that by keeping myself busy, but not overloaded, and getting my sleep back under control, I can avoid an urgent trip into the hospital. I’m around a week into this swing now. I’m going to give things another week to stabilize before I reach out to Dr. M. Hopefully I can completely bypass the hospital this time around.

The thing is, I know I’ve been here before. I may not be comfortable at the moment, but I’m not the worst I’ve ever been. I’ve survived these emotions and volatility every time they’ve happened before. Every. Single. Time. I know, that unless I give into the dark thoughts and emotions, I will get through this too. This time, I am forearmed with skills, and safety plan.


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