I have dealt with mental health issues for the better part of the last two decades.
Over the years, doctors have given me multiple diagnoses, with the main two being Borderline Personality Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, though anxiety and depression are both factors as well.
Medications have been a part of my treatment almost as long as the diagnoses, and without them I have a lot of trouble functioning. My going off medications is not a possibility, because when I have been off them the illnesses travel through my life like a wrecking ball, affecting my jobs and my relationships. I will likely be on medications until the day I day, and that has been something I have made peace with.
Another aspect of my treatment involves therapy, something else I have been undergoing almost since the beginning. As the years have gone on, I have been through many therapists, some of whom have been helpful while others have been significantly less than so.
Thanks to my emotional volatility stemming from the Borderline Personality Disorder and the flashbacks, anxiety, and depression stemming from the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, parts of my life have felt like hell.
I’ve been suicidal. I’ve even attempted on multiple occasions.
Yet, somehow I’m still here. I’m growing. I’m learning. I’m expanding my world.
I’ve been broken, but I’m healing.
It doesn’t matter how black the darkness gets, it is not forever. Eventually the light of day will come again. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or six months from now, eventually things will get better.
Not every medication is going to work. You are not going to gel with every doctor or therapist. The path is long and arduous. It will push you to exhaustion, or beyond. It may feel like you will never be whole again, yet all things will change in time.