Perspective change…

No blog post yesterday as the day got away from me.

Yesterday was definitely busier than other recent days.

I had a council meeting to cover for the paper first thing yesterday morning. When that concluded I spent some time working on my meeting notes before breaking for lunch.

After lunch, it was back to the office, this time doing a couple hours of studying before heading to Stettler to run errands, including picking out some new glasses for myself. Thankfully, they should be ready before I head to Saskatchewan on the weekend.

With the errands completed, it was on to my second meeting of the day, another one of my council’s. All in all, it made for a long day. Still, I managed to get home at a decent hour and even managed to get some time to curl up on the couch with Lynn and watch an episode of “Riverdale.”

I’m really enjoying the series. We are currently on season three of the show right now, and it is a rather dark and twisted take on on the “Archie” characters of old. The characters are definitely without the innocence they held in the long running comic books. There is still something gripping about the series though. as twisted as the stories are, they are engaging and leave you wanting to see what happens next. The show is definitely worth a watch.

Mentally, I am feeling good. Between work and school stuff, I am definitely keeping my brain engaged. Unfortunately, I’m still finding it hard to make time to exercise. There are only twenty-four hours in a day, and I have to make my priorities. Also, with the looming Saskatchewan trip I am finding it hard to get motivated to get into a routine knowing that I will be having to break it again in a few days. Overall, I can’t complain how things are though. I’m resting. I’m working. I’m being productive. I think I’ve finally managed to strike a good balance with everything in my life.

It’s been a long time coming for me to get to this point. Before, when I would get overwhelmed by being too busy, now I am finding it I actually enjoy it. I think my perspective has changed a bit, in a few ways.

When I was first diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I identified as “I’m borderline.” I identified as my illness. Now “I have borderline.” The difference is small, but massive at the same time.

Another perspective shift comes to my work. When I was an EMT working on the ambulance, “I was an EMT.” I was all-in, and I didn’t know who I was without the work. When I was forced out due to my illness, it was like a part of my body was amputated. I had a hard time adjusting to my new role. Now, when I am asked what I do, I do say “I am a reporter,” but that’s not where I start and where I end. I’m not always on. I have other things going on beside just living for work.

I’m a blogger. I’m a photographer. I’m a student. I’m a reporter. I’m a writer.

These are all parts of me, parts of what makes me who I am. I push myself hard, but I don’t push myself to the breaking point anymore. I make sure to take at least some downtime, and spend some time with my wife. I make sure I get my rest.

My life has changed significantly over the last few years. I’m in a way better place mentally, even if I do have my odd blip.

Honestly, if someone had come up to me five years ago and told me everything that would ensue over the next period of time, I would not have believed them, I was so far down the rabbit hole. I didn’t want to live, and didn’t foresee a day where that would change. Agonizingly slowly, it did change, and while I still have to be careful, and my moods are still highly volatile, things are not as extreme as they once were, giving me hope for the future.

If I can get through the hell I have faced in my life, anyone can. It will take heart, and strength, but its not a path you have to walk alone.

Kevin

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