Coming up for air…

Since it’s been a few days since I’ve last written, I figured I should probably make an appearance.

I haven’t been active on here, or on social media in general, due to studying. I’ve been working my way through the last couple modules of my current course, before I start reviewing for the final on Feb. 19. My goal between now and then is to study for at least a couple hours of day.

The only real complication I have in that schedule is tomorrow, with three separate things going on that I need to cover for the paper, but it is what it is.

As for my course, I currently have to finish working through the study questions for module 13, and then complete module 14. After that it is review until my exam, and then -mercifully- a few days off before I start on my next course.

Still, things haven’t been all work and no play. I’ve made it a point to get a workout in most days, and yesterday, while I did study for a couple hours, I also kicked back on the couch with Lynn for a few hours and actually let myself relax and watch some television with Lynn.

I’ve pushed it hard today though, finishing one module and starting another. I know I can’t keep this up indefinitely, but for the moment things seem to be working and I will keep it going for as long as I can.

Fortunately, aside from tomorrow, my week is pretty light. I’ll have some work writing to clean up on Wednesday, and do my normal filming with B on Thursday. After filming, I’m spending some time in the church to get our new equipment dialled in. A friend who is knowledgeable in this stuff is going to come in and give me a hand.

Other than that though, my plans are to be studying and exercising. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve gotten myself back into an almost daily exercise habit, and I’m feeling pretty good for it. I’m loving the new treadmill, and it was definitely a worthwhile investment for both my physical and mental health.

Today was my first day in awhile back into my weight routine as well. I’m hoping that by getting back into my routine I can stay with it for longer term. I know I feel so much better when I make a habit of working out, and I just need to find ways to keep at it without burning out.

One thing I haven’t done lately is spend much time on the Playstation. I’ve just had too many other things going on, which is not a bad thing. I used to spend way too much time on that machine, and while I am grateful for the times it got me through by giving me a distraction, I’m glad that it isn’t taking up as much time as it once did.

Despite feeling tired right now, mentally I am feeling good. My mind is clear. I’m focusing well, and I’m getting better at managing my time. I’m performing at a level I never thought possible. Still, I know what I’ve been through, and getting back to that mind space scares the hell out of me. I know I’m a long way off from being there again, but I know it’s possible. That said, with everything I’ve accomplished in the last couple years, I now know what I am capable of.

I need to keep reminding myself that just because it is possible to get back to that mind space, it doesn’t mean it will. By doing what I’m doing, pushing myself hard, but not over the edge, sets me up for the most success possible. I’m learning that I can push myself hard, as long as I take some downtime too. I can’t be switched on 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I need my rest, and I need my downtime. I need to spend time with Lynn too.

Ultimately, I need to listen to my body. I’m getting better at reading myself, and I know when I am approaching that edge. For me, listening to my body is one of the hardest things I’ve had to master where it comes to my mental health, but it has also been one of the most crucial skills to learn.

I’ve struggled with mental health issues for years. I’ve lost nearly two decades of my life to mental illness. I’ll be damned if it’s going to take one more day than it has to from this point on. I know I can be successful. I know I can push myself. I just need to remember to come up for air.

Kevin