Where am I going from here? On the right path…

Photo by Filippo Peisino on Pexels.com

This week has been busy, but good so far.

With the exception of this morning, I’ve been continuing to get up around 0600, and get a workout done early in the day. I let myself sleep in until 0800 this morning just due to not getting home until later in the evening, and feeling like I needed that extra bit of rest.

Monday, I ended up covering the store for Lynn off and on all day, as she wasn’t feeling 100% and had appointments. With how busy the day turned it was kind of a good thing that we were both in there at some parts of the day.

Yesterday, I had an early meeting, then ended up hanging out at the store for most of the day just so Lynn wasn’t alone. Yesterday would have been her sisters birthday, and was an emotionally hard day for her. Also complicating the day was helping a friend deal with some bad news she had received as well. Last night wasn’t too bad though, with Lynn and I bowling with the league we joined, although the numbers I was putting up last night really had me questioning my life choices. I’m not sure what the hell was going on but I was horrible last night. Oh well. As long as I improve for next week.

Today, I’m working a farmers market, selling my photographs. This afternoon, I am getting in today’s workout, and then heading into the office for a few hours to do some work. Between school assignments, photo-editing, and work stories that have snuck up on me over the last few days, I’m going to need a few dedicated days to get myself caught up. On the bright side, aside from my workout and editing B’s weekly devotional video on Friday, Friday afternoon and Saturday are both clear to play catch up.

Still, even with everything piling up, I’m not feeling as stressed as I normally would. I’m feeling good, mentally and physically. My moods are more stable than they have been in months, I’m sleeping well, and I’m feeling rested. What I need to do right now is back down a bit, and really focus on my time management skills for the next little while. I know that as busy as I am, it’s not insurmountable, nor is it even close to the stress I would be under if I was working full-time.

What I’ve been doing lately to care for my mental health has been working, and I need to keep doing it, so I can have the optimal chances of staying out of hospital long term. At the end of the day, I need to respect my limits though, and realize that things just may not be finished as quickly as I would like. Not everyday is going to be a good day, but as long as I can string together more good days in a row than the bad, I’m on the right track.

Thanks to mental illness, I’ve lost a lot of years. I find it mind-blowing the ups and downs I’ve had over last two decades. The suicide attempts. The crippling depression. The battered self-confidence.All the time in hospital.

I have come through some hard times in the last two decades, and in all honesty, part of me will never be whole again: but, despite the loss of the last two decades I can make the next two decades something to remember.

I’m not cured. Mental illness doesn’t work that way. However, I’m learning, adapting, and the medications help. I may not be working full-time, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to, but I am at least contributing in my own way, and forcing myself to push my limits.

I feel like I am turning a corner in my mental health journey. What remains to be seen is where things go from here.


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