Succeeding in spite of myself…

Tonight has me feeling accomplished.

It was a somewhat busy day, catching up on some writing for work, studying, and doing a dump run.

This afternoon at the store we celebrated the third anniversary of the store as well. Some friends were kind enough to bring in a pumpkin pie for us to celebrate with, which was very kind of them.

I wasn’t all work and no play though. This evening after supper I watched a murder mystery movie with Lynn, which was kind of fun.

I’m grateful for my good days, because I know they don’t always happen. With my mental health, some days are definitely better than others; however, I have to admit that overall my good days seem to outnumber the bad. It has taken me long enough to get to this point.

Dr. M at the centre considers me to be one of few successes, something which he reaffirmed during my recent admission. I think that slowly but surely I’m starting to agree with him.

Having success with my mental health doesn’t mean I’m never going to have set backs. That is something I am slowly beginning to see. I am not my trauma. I can’t change the events that I’ve been through, but nor do they define me.

The fact is, I am not neuro-typical.

I am the sum of my experiences, both good and bad. My brain chemistry needs an assist via medication. My moods and emotions are more volatile than most, often swing around like a wrecking ball. Because of that, I sometimes need more support than others. However, none of that takes away what I’ve accomplished over the last couple years.

I haven’t self harmed in nearly five years.

I’ve found a job that is completely flexible to my needs, with an outstanding editor. No, the pay isn’t great, but it gives me a sense of purpose.

I’ve gone back to school, and just recently started my third course. I never thought I would go back to school, particularly university.

Despite the headaches and fights my emotions have gotten me into, I’m celebrating over twelve years of marriage.

When I look at my life with a quick brush, I find it very easy to let the negatives win out, but putting my successes down in black and white, I can clearly see that the negatives are wrong.

I am succeeding despite myself, and my messed up brain.

Kevin