Stopping isn’t an option

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I hate this time of year.

As good as I’ve been doing, I always find myself struggling at this time of year, and this year is apparently no exception.

I’m over a week into a downward spiral that always hits me this time of year, and today has probably been the worst day I’ve had in some time. I’ve been feeling fatigued and depressed.

Still, I need to look at the positives. As crappy as I’m feeling I’m still keeping myself at least somewhat productive. I got some laundry done today, a quick vacuum of the main level, and got the bedding changed in our room. This evening I was perking up a bit, and actually got a story done for work. I’m keeping myself moving.

I know that I can’t let one, or even a few, bad days throw me off, but I’m definitely going to have to keep an eye on things. I have an appointment with my therapist Monday, and based on how that goes I may call Dr. M. I need to stay on top of things because despite finishing the photography and Photoshop courses, my schedule is not getting much lighter. The history course I’m working on is going to need at least a couple hours a day, five days a week, for the foreseeable future.

Throw in work, filming the pastors devotionals, and a couple other shorter courses I’m doing a couple hours a week and my schedule fills up. Still, the coursework and actual work is helping keep me focused and keeping my mind from wandering. I know boredom is one of my worst enemies, and to be honest, I’m surprising myself with the amount I have been able to sustain.

Bad days happen. They suck. They’re annoying. They’re a fact of life. I don’t like that they happen, but the fact that I’ve been able to function as well as I have and maintain tells me loads as to how far I have come. I need to be gentle with myself, but keep pushing just the same.

I know this time of year sucks, and I need to be cognizant of that fact. If it means I let myself slow down a bit so I can keep my head above water, that’s what I have to do, but stopping isn’t an option.


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