Adding up…

The fatigue is back, and it feels like it’s brought reinforcements.

I’ve been tired over the past few days, and it doesn’t seem to matter how much I sleep. I ended up taking last weekend off from my workout routine, and I have yet to get back into it.

I know I’ve been here before. I know I need to focus on all the things that are still going right, of which there are plenty.

Studying continues to go well in preparation for my final exam next week. I write it in exactly one week today. I’m kind of nervous, but am looking forward to having it done at the same time.

I’ve also started working on the first module of my twentieth century history course which, as I suspected, is going to be intense. Again, though, it’s a challenge I am looking forward to taking on.

Despite the fatigue, I am still doing well. I’m functioning in my day to day better than I have in years. I have a lot to be proud of, and I need to keep reminding myself of that fact.

The biggest struggle right now is Lynn. She has been struggling with her mental health lately, and I am definitely worried about her. I wish I knew what to do to help her. It seems anything I say or do is the wrong thing, which is leaving me frustrated. For the moment I’ve been doing what I have to do to keep myself healthy for the both of us.

I know losing her sister has really hit her hard, and that is definitely playing into things, and unfortunately nothing I say or do is going to help that. That is just going to be a matter of time and healing, unfortunately. Still, I wish I didn’t feel so helpless on that front, especially going into what has typically been my worst time of year. I’m rapidly approaching the one year mark for my last hospitalization, which has me feeling nervous as hell. I’m nervous, but feeling like I am better prepared for what is to come than I have been before. And truthfully, ending up in hospital during the middle of a pandemic does not strike me as a good time, and something best avoided if at all possible. I’ll do what I have to do, but some things at the moment are best avoided.

The fatigue sucks, and the being worried about Lynn doesn’t help things any. That being said, even with the fatigue and the worry I’m functioning better than I have before, probably since my late twenties at least. As worried about Lynn as I am, I’m doing my best to be there for her, though admittedly I am in uncharted territory on that front, and I am managing to do what I need to do to keep myself healthy.