Learning to switch myself ‘off’ sometimes…

Today was just what I needed.

The day was low-key, and not spent at the keyboard, which felt fantastic.

I ended up spending the day at the store with Lynn, and there was a steady stream of well-wishers to wish her a belated happy birthday. A friend I commissioned tot make a birthday cake for Lynn dropped it off at the store around 1130, and another friend brought lunch for the both of us, which we definitely appreciated.

After the store, Lynn and I stopped at a garage sale in town and then hung out with the dogs for a bit, before B came over for dinner and a movie. We’ve been watching the Star Wars saga with him from the beginning, and tonight we watched “Return of the Jedi,” which I think is my favourite movie in the entire series.

Even with the quiet day, I’m still grappling with fatigue though. I know one day off isn’t going to be panacea to that particular issue, but it’s a definite step in the right direction.

I think I’m going to let myself recharge for one more day before hitting things hard again on Monday. My goal is to put in the time and get my next essay written and submitted by Friday. I’ll let you guys know how that goes.

As for taking a couple days, I know I need it, but my biggest issue is that I literally feel guilty for taking time away. I find it very hard to switch off. I feel like I always need to be grinding, always moving forward. I tend to forget that if you sharpen a blade too much it can actually become brittle or dull, and I think that’s what I’ve been doing to myself by maintaining the pace that I have.

Work and school are always going to be there. I need to take some time away from them to be a fully rounded individual. That isn’t to say that I can’t incorporate some of my hobbies, such as my photography, into other aspects of my life. There’s no harm in taking a camera with me when I go on a hike, but the problem is I need to actually allow myself the time to take one.

Allowing myself to take a step back and not be on all the time is hard for me, and I fully admit that. I think it’s something that I need to work on more with M. Still, aside from the fatigue I feel like I am starting to get a better work/life balance going on.

It comes back to time management, and that is definitely something I need to get better at. That said, I cannot deny the progress I have made.

I’m rapidly coming up on a year since my last in-patient stay at the psych centre, and though I’ve struggled a bit off and on, I have ridden through the storms none-the-worse for wear. I’m really proud of what I have been able to accomplish in the last year, despite my limitations, and am eager to see what the future holds.

However, now it’s time for some rest.

Kevin

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