Today has found me a bit better than yesterday, though I am still feeling fatigued, stressed, and generally emotional.
It’s been a quiet day today. I made pancakes for lunch for Lynn and I, and then played an hour of Spider Man on the Playstation 4, before settling in to the office to do a few hours worth of work.
I started the reading for the next module of my writing course and posted the family photos I did of my sister and her family up on my photography web page. I’m still planning to get some creative writing done today as well, but overall I’m trying to make today to be somewhat stress free, just to give my brain somewhat of a break.
The fatigue sucks, even more so when it’s connected with racing thoughts. Being completely honest, my mind has been going a mile a minute for the last few days, so it’s no wonder I am feeling beat. When I get into this position, I find it hard to turn off. Physically, I’m exhausted, but mentally I find it hard to stop.
Still, despite this bit of a back slide I’m dealing with, things could be worse. Yes, the suicidal and self-harm urges are a pain in the ass, but in spite of the fact they are draining, they are nothing I will act on for the time being. I may be dragging my ass around right now, due to the fatigue, but I am still managing to get things done that need doing.
Like I stated in my previous blog post; right now, I need to treat myself with kindness, knowing full well that what I’m dealing with is just part of what I deal with, and that things haven’t changed significantly in the better part of the last decade and are unlikely to do so now.
I’m going to try and take it easy today, and celebrate what I did get done, without admonishing myself for what I haven’t.