Feeling the same, but different…

I had a good first appointment with my new therapist at Stettler mental health. With the Covid-19 pandemic raging right now, it ended up being a telephone appointment, with the next one in May likely being the same as well.

It feels like I made a good connection with this new therapist, though it is getting old consistently having to go over my story again and again, and the new therapist is definitely not H.

Mentally, I’m feeling….I don’t know. In some ways I feel like I’m struggling, in other ways I feel like I’m doing remarkably well. I feel the same, but different.

My moods have always been known to flux, and now is no different. What has changed is my response to the moods. Even though I’ve been feeling like crap, I’ve been able to maintain my daily activities . I’ve been able to maintain my productivity with school, work and home.

Despite the turbulence I feel inside, I also feel an over-riding sense of calm which I have never noticed before. I think a big part of that comes from having good -great- supports in place. I have two doctors who listen to my concerns and take them at face value. I have got a great therapist in M, and I have to say things look good so far with my new one at Stettler mental health. Despite the turbulence I feel inside, I can honestly look at myself, and my life, and feel that I am in a good place.

Yes, my anxiety is higher than normal due to a variety of reasons. Yes, my moods have been lower than normal, especially attributed to losing Sirius. Yes, I’m waiting for the rest of my tenuous hand-hold to crumble, because that’s what has happened before. Yes, even with all of that, I’m optimistic that I will get through this without an emergency admission to hospital. All of that being said though, I’m thinking that if a non-emergency admission becomes an option after the pandemic settles itself out I will take it as an opportunity to reset myself and get my meds looked at.


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