Today has been better than yesterday, so far. Then again, considering the news that rocked our world yesterday, anything is an improvement.
I’m feeling better today, now that the initial shock of finding out about my poor boy has worn off. The fact is, he is still happy and healthy, and doctors have been wrong before. Besides, even if they aren’t wrong, sitting miserable about what is coming is a disservice to him and to us. There’s no sense living in the future at what may come down the road if we take away the enjoyment of today.
All any of us can do is live in the moment, because tomorrow is not guaranteed. Hell, the doctor said he may have six months to live, but I could get into a car accident tomorrow. When our number is up, our number is up, and we have no say when and where.
I’m sad about Sirius’ diagnosis, but I can’t let myself fall into the trap of mourning him while he is still here. He is still here, and he loves his car rides, he loves his walks -even if he is a jerk when he is on the leash- he loves us humans, and he loves swimming. Instead of running out the clock waiting for him to go, all we can do is live with him in the moment, and help him enjoy the time he has left.
I won’t lie, and say that it’s easy. The sadness I feel is real. Sirius has been an anchor in both mine and Lynn’s life, and thinking about a future without him is painful, but the fact is, regardless of the cancer diagnosis, he is nearly ten years old, and has bad hips. As sad as it is to say, he had more time behind him than he had in front of him for quite some time, and that is a reality of owning a pet. They love you while they are here, but their time on earth is short.
I know we will miss him when he’s gone, but he is not gone yet.