I’m…

My anxiety is peaked today, and I find myself battling with my thoughts and my emotions.

I’m tired of the noise in my mind.

I’m tired of constantly being on edge.

I’m tired of the feeling that I am walking on eggshells around everybody.

I’m tired of the suicidal thoughts invading my mind again, drowning out everything else.

I have studying to do.

I have work to do.

I have things around the house to do.

Yet, I’m paralyzed.

I’m on edge.

I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’m expecting the worst to happen.

I’m living in chronic sadness.

I’m living in chronic fatigue.

I’m living with a chronic sense of not being capable.

I’m scared of my mind.

I’m scared of my future.

I’m scared of my relationships.

I’m scared of the constant fear of failure.

I’m not sure what the future holds.

I’m tired of living this life.

Kevin

One thought on “I’m…

  1. I can relate on all counts. You just feel like life is pushing you into a corner and there’s no where to escape.

    I’ve been in those moments. I had a psychotic break down, that lasted about six months. It was the worst breakdown I’ve ever had. I spent many nights sitting in a bathtub holding a Bottle of whisky in one hand and a knife in the other, waiting to die.

    Wanting to just silence the voices and rid myself of the hallucinations that plagued me.

    Years of Therapy, counseling and some med changes have helped me a lot, but I still sit here some days terrified that The darkness will swallow me whole.

    My best advice is to keep vocal. Talk about your fears and your demons. Getting it out of your mind doesn’t make everything better, but holding it in definitely makes it worse.

    No matter how bad it gets, you can get through it, you can survive. Just remember your not alone in this.

    I hope this helps brother.

    Like

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