Month: February 2020

Contemplation

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fiction, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, Impulse control, journalism, just for fun, keystone habits, Learn from history!, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, small victories, sparks, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today has been quiet. I was at the church for our annual general meeting this morning, then some research and writing for a bit this afternoon. I was supposed to head to Halkirk to take some photos this afternoon, however since I can barely see across the street, I decided that discretion was the better … Continue reading Contemplation

Poetry: How is Today Going to be?

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Creativity, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, just for fun, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, poetry, poetry, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, small victories, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

The first thought I have every morning when I wake up is “How is today going to be?”             Why do I ask this of myself? It’s quite simple, really. I suffer from several different mental health conditions that cause my emotions to be unstable. When I wake up, I wake up not knowing if the … Continue reading Poetry: How is Today Going to be?

A few small changes…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, small victories, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday was a mixed type of day. Mood-wise, the day was good. Work wise, not so much. I was in Stettler covering court yesterday morning. Covering court is definitely interesting. It's interesting seeing how the justice system in this country works. Unfortunately with the two hours I was there, I came away without a single … Continue reading A few small changes…

Movie Review: “The Rise of Skywalker.” (Spoilers)

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Creativity, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Entertainment, Fuck Mental Illness, journalism, keystone habits, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Movie Review, The Rise of Skywalker, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com Lynn and I recently went to see the final chapter in the Skywalker Saga, "The Rise of Skywalker." I wanted to like the movie, and it was definitely the best of the new trilogy, that said, I feel that the movie fell short over what it could have been. The … Continue reading Movie Review: “The Rise of Skywalker.” (Spoilers)

Work and self-care…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Discipline, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Noise, Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Road Trip!, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, small victories, sparks, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today is definitely off to a rough start. I do not feel like I slept at all well last night, and this morning I am dragging ass. Despite that though, I have already managed to get some work done, and set up a meeting for later on this morning. My goals for today are to … Continue reading Work and self-care…

The breaking storm…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, Acceptance, Accountability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Can't Hurt Me, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, Impulse control, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I think that slowly but surely, like the weather is warming and the days are getting longer, the storm in my mind is breaking. This morning I woke up feeling like I have more energy, and it was not quite the battle to get out of bed that it has been. Even doing some work … Continue reading The breaking storm…

Emptiness despite success…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Abandonment, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, small victories, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by burak kostak on Pexels.com I'm happy with how the first of eight showings of the Castor Little Theatre production of "Dry Streak" happened yesterday. Despite the simplicity of the play, the show is keeping my busy, and challenged in the AV booth, which is not a bad thing. I'm equally grateful that today … Continue reading Emptiness despite success…

Confidence Boost

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Noise, Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, Self-harm, sheep dogs, sparks, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Well, after a few lumps and bumps the theatre group got through the dress rehearsal yesterday. Overall there performance went fairly well, though there were a couple of mis-cues with lighting. In the end, though, everything turned out pretty good, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the run. This morning I woke up … Continue reading Confidence Boost

Unsettled

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, Self-care, Self-harm, sheep dogs, sparks, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Wow, am I unsettled this morning. I don't feel like I slept well last night, and in general I am just feeling spacey. I'm hoping it is a feeling I can shake off prior to our theatre performance this after noon. Today we are running through the dress rehearsal before the show opens for real … Continue reading Unsettled

Slowed down…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Book Review, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Habits, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., People are easily offended, Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Self-care, Self-harm, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Frans Van Heerden on Pexels.com Yesterday was what I would call a long day. I got up yesterday morning and, to keep my mind of things, did some more learning in Lightroom. Around 1030 I headed out the door to meet my editor for lunch in Stettler, as well as complete another couple … Continue reading Slowed down…

Medication Adjustment, Lightroom, and next challenges.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder

Today is D-Day. I write my exam this afternoon at 1300hrs. After doing some online quizzes yesterday afternoon, I am feeling better about the exam, though I will definitely be feeling like a load is taken off what's I get it finished. The medication adjustment my doctor made has been very much a double edged … Continue reading Medication Adjustment, Lightroom, and next challenges.

Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, growth, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Noise, Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-harm, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to me since I published my last post. As you may have figured out, I'm struggling right now. My moods have been going so up and down over the last few days I'm beginning to get whiplash. At the urging of Lynn, … Continue reading Content Warning (mention of suicide): Getting Whiplash

I’m…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Creativity, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Habits, journalism, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Noise, Perspective, poetry, poetry, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Scars, Self-harm, sparks, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

My anxiety is peaked today, and I find myself battling with my thoughts and my emotions. I'm tired of the noise in my mind. I'm tired of constantly being on edge. I'm tired of the feeling that I am walking on eggshells around everybody. I'm tired of the suicidal thoughts invading my mind again, drowning … Continue reading I’m…

Heroes

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, #heroes, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Can't Hurt Me, contemplation, Contentment, Creativity, David Goggins Motivation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Entertainment, Faith, Fiction, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, Hospital Admission, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Military Motivation, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., NavySEALs, Novel writing., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, Self-harm, sheep dogs, small victories, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.comSome heroes wear capes. Others wear bunker gear and uniforms. I'm feeling the love today. My Facebook page has blown up with birthday well-wishes, and I am grateful. I know I haven't been in a great headspace lately. I know I've been struggling and feeling overwhelmed. The support means the world … Continue reading Heroes

500

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Five-hundred posts in two and a half years. In some ways it feels like just yesterday that I started this mental health recovery blog. In others it feels like it has been forever. The last couple of years have been full of ups and downs, which I have tried to share along the way. I … Continue reading 500

CW:Struggling, but fighting…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-harm, small victories, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I've been struggling the last few days. Mustering up just enough energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other has been a challenge. I have a lot going on right now, and I feel like I'm drowning. I know I haven't written for a few days. That's been for a multitude of … Continue reading CW:Struggling, but fighting…

Needing to make a change…but struggling

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Discipline, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, Sports, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I'm not doing bad right now, but I'm not doing as well as I could be. I've been having a hell of a time getting my ass moving in the morning. It seems like whatever I try, I end up over sleeping, and I'm not liking it. I know how much better I feel when … Continue reading Needing to make a change…but struggling

Time Management and Excuses

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Discipline, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, Injured List, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., NavySEALs, Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, SEALMotivation, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I try to write something every day. It doesn't matter whether it's in this blog, in my journal, or writing articles for the paper, I try to do something everyday to further the mastery of my craft. It doesn't have to be a lot, but I try to do something. There is multiple reasons for … Continue reading Time Management and Excuses

Movie Review: 1917 (No Spoilers)

by thrutheashesblog, posted in 1917, Entertainment, journalism, Movie, Movie Review, reporter, Self-care, Writing Therapy

I was invited along to check out the movie "1917" with some of the guys from church on Wednesday night. I'd seen a couple of trailers for the movie, and they didn't really grab me, but I figured I'd go along with the guys. I am glad I did. The movie is set during the … Continue reading Movie Review: 1917 (No Spoilers)

Time, effort, and consistency acclimatizing into my new routine.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Discipline, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Military Motivation, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., NavySEALs, Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, SEALMotivation, Self-care, Self-confidence, Self-Discipline, sheep dogs, small victories, Sports, Storms, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

This week has definitely been much slower paced than the few weeks previous. This isn't a bad thing. Since I've been home from Saskatchewan I've been acclimating myself to my new routine at home. It has not been without it's challenges. I'm finding that getting up and moving earlier in the morning is helping a … Continue reading Time, effort, and consistency acclimatizing into my new routine.

We lost you a year ago…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, ;, Acceptance, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Hope, keystone habits, Legacy, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I can't believe it's been a year since Lynn's sister passed away. It doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem possible. It seems like just yesterday that she was in our home for the Christmas Holidays, yet I know that that particular memory is over a year old. The last time we saw Brenda was when … Continue reading We lost you a year ago…

Checking out the Marvel Exhibition in Edmonton

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Contentment, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Entertainment, Fuck Mental Illness, Habits, Marvel, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, The Avengers, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today has been a wild day. Up early, though I did sleep in somewhat. I decided to forgo the workout today as my right thigh has been bugging me. It's like I've got a perpetual Charlie horse in it. I'm planning to jump back into things tomorrow, though I have a feeling tomorrow's workout is … Continue reading Checking out the Marvel Exhibition in Edmonton

Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in #Changes, #Growth, ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, growth, Habits, History, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, Relapse, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, small victories, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, TheOnlyEasyDayWasyesterday, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Fear is something we all face, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. I know as a youth, one of my biggest stumbling blocks was a fear of failure, which continually led me to ever-seeking approval. I sought approval from my parents, my teachers, and my peers, and this constant need for approval did … Continue reading Imposter Syndrome and unstable sense of self.