Return to reality, and potential changes on the horizon…

The holiday season is behind us, and with that reality resumes.

After a whirl-wind trip to Calgary where we spent New Year’s Eve with friends, today is most definitely back to the grind. I’m glad I don’t mind driving.

First up, I have to recover the dogs from the kennel, where they had a min-vacation themselves, before dropping them off at home, then running to Stettler for what could be my last appointment with H, as well as some other running around.

After I get back from Stettler, I’m covering the store for an hour so Lynn can go see the doctor, then tonight I’m going to be jumping in to the first Little Theatre practise of this season. I’m doing audio-visual for the production again this year, which will keep me busy for a couple months anyway.

In between that running around, I also need to call a contact to do a telephone interview, and get a piece written and submitted for first thing tomorrow morning.

I’m definitely nervous about my appointment with H. We have done some good work over the last few months, and I am loathe to get passed off to another therapist. It’s the nature of the beast, however. He was only in a temporary position covering a leave of absence, which is slated to end later this month. He’s hoping something will happen and it will turn into a permanent gig, but who knows that will happen or not. As much as it sucks, I know I need to be prepared for either eventuality.

Being prepared for the eventuality doesn’t mean I have to like it though. Like I said, I’ve done some good work with him as my guide over the last few months. He’s the one who pointed out that I don’t have a social anxiety, what I have is a sensory issue. It’s not that I can’t handle people, it’s that I get overwhelmed by the noise of crowds. He’s also done a lot to encourage me when I first started doubting myself where it came to school.

As someone who deals with Borderline Personality Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I don’t like change. It’s uncomfortable and causes me anxiety. The thing is, no matter what I do, or how tightly I hold on, change is inevitable. It’s part of life, and change will happen whether I’m ready for it, or want it to or not.

The thing is, I can either accept the change, or let it drag me down.

H and I have done some good work, and I hope to be able to continue it with him, however if I can’t, I know I’m not going to be left high and dry. I will still have M, who I have done equally good work with, and H already has thoughts on who to connect me with in the clinic if he is indeed gone later this month.

As the calendar moves from 2019 to 2020, I may not like change any more, but I am going to do my best to embrace it. Not all change is bad, and sometimes bad change has to happen for something even better to come along.


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