Today was a quiet one.
I took the doctors orders to heart and gave myself another day to just let my body rest.
It’s not like I did nothing though. I finished a book, slept, and played some Red Dead 2. As far as actual productivity I got some files cleaned up on my external hard drive, cleaned up and made some adjustments to a couple of my photo pages, and did some dishes. I may not have done anything earth shattering, but sometimes doing nothing is doing something.
I’m still feeling drained though. I have no choice but to get active tomorrow. I have a couple different things to cover for the paper, and I really need to hit the books for a couple hours as well. It will be a challenge though because I am dragging ass.
Lynn saw the doctor today, because her energy level has took an even bigger hit than normal over the last few days, and the doctor told her that there is a bug going around that has been hitting people, with excessive fatigue being one of the symptoms. I’m wondering whether or not I could be fighting it off in addition to everything else. It’s certainly possible.
I know that the fatigue has been complicating my mental health, my thoughts have definitely taken a darker tinge over the last few days. Yet, as crappy as I’m feeling, and as dark as things have gotten, I’m still moving forward. Despite the time of year and the struggles I face, I still haven’t descended into the depths of hell that I have entered before.
Yes, I’m tired. Hell, I’m exhausted.
Yes, my thoughts have gone darker, but I haven’t gone full blown suicidal. I haven’t self-harmed in nearly four years.
What I’m realizing is, despite the hit I’ve taken over the last few days with this fatigue, I’m handling it better than I have before . Instead of getting down on myself, I’m being proactive, allowing myself to heal, treating myself with the kindness and compassion that I’ve given to many patients over the course of my former career.
Not every day is going to be a breeze.
Not every day is going to be a battle either.
As challenging as it has been, I’m moving forward.