Today did not go as expected.

I ended up covering the store today as Lynn wasn’t feeling well, which put a crimp in me getting anything else done. On the bright side, the store was busy enough that I wasn’t bored, but slow enough that I managed to finish an article for the paper, do a couple hours of studying, and play with Photoshop a bit. All in all the day wasn’t a loss.

I am tired though. Even cutting myself some slack and allowing myself to sleep in, the sleep I’ve been getting hasn’t been restful. I’m thinking that it could be due to my shoulder giving me grief again. When I saw the doctor a couple weeks ago, she recommended stretches and massage to hopefully get it going again. Well, I’ve been to the massage therapist twice, as well as stretches, and it has helped, but I am still getting breakthrough pain equal to what it was before I got the injection back in January. I hate bugging the doc so soon again, but the damn thing is not getting any better, so I’m going back in on Thursday to see her.

Other than that appointment, I ‘m taking Thursday as a rest day to catch up on the stuff I didn’t get done today. Tomorrow is shot as well, because Lynn and I are going to be taking part in a small business marketing seminar put on by a local group. Lynn and I are going as the store, though I am hoping to see what I can get out of it for my business as well.

As my friend J says, “The grass isn’t growing under your feet.”

I like the fact that I’ve been busy. I think I’ve been handling it well. At least, I keep telling myself that I have been. In reality? I don’t know. I know I am treading on thin ice, and I have to be wary of how I spread my weight. Too much weight in any one location, and I risk going under.

Still, it’s a learning curve. Even this far along in my recovery I am consistently learning about myself, and my endurance. A year ago I could not begin to imagine that I would be at the level I am at as far as activity. I have grown. I’m stronger mentally than I was even back in the spring, but that strength is tempered by knowing where I have been, and knowing that if I push too hard for too long, I run the risk of falling back to where I was.

Yet, I know I can navigate through this maze. I need to spread out the load, look after myself and get rest. It’s a matter of pacing. I need to look at the near future as a marathon, not a sprint. I need to remind myself that as heavy as the load feels, when I break it down, it’s not actually that heavy. It’s a lot of little things, some of which I don’t have to worry about for another couple months.

I need to remind myself that it’s okay to take a mental health day.

I need to remind myself that pushing too hard for too long will have consequences.

I need to remind myself that if I run at the pace of a sprint, I will start fast but burnout fast.

These are all reminders that I need to heed.

I need to look after myself, because if I don’t, no one is going to. The thing is, after living a life of service to others, looking after yourself seems foreign, yet the consequences are dire if I don’t.


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