Between my mental health struggling and being busy with company I’ve been having a hard time getting back into my routine, and I’m definitely feeling it.
The fatigue related to the downswing has been bad, and I just haven’t had the energy to break away to hit the gym. That is something I’m going to have to change though, before all the hardwork I’ve put in is erased.
I’m hoping that by mid week I can slide back into things. K will be heading home on Tuesday, and my week is looking relatively light which should allow me to ease back into things.
I need to get back to my 10,000 steps a day. I need to get back into my weight and stretching routine as well, and get back onto my downward trend of weight loss.
This year has been tough so far. Brenda’s loss. Lynn’s frequent absences to Saskatchewan to help her mom settle the estate. I’ve been growing in my new career which has had it’s own stresses. All of these things have added up to make for a bumpy summer.
I’m starting to realize though that these things have added a layer of strength I didn’t know I had, and to me are proof of God’s grace. The road hasn’t been easy, but these events have been happening at the times they needed to, when I was able to withstand the storm.
The case in point is dealing with the family member who attacked me on my facebook page. I was already struggling, and this attack added stress to me that I honestly thought was going to make me buckle.
Instead I have found a resilience and strength inside coupled with my faith in God that He would carry me through, which He has.
Like H said to me the other day, I may be struggling, but I’m not running the risk of hospitalization right now. I have been standing strong against the torrent, and am need in a rebalance of my life, not a complete overhaul.
Being blunt, if the stress level over the last few months had been piled on me at any other time in the past, there is a very good chance I wouldn’t be here sharing this message. If that attack had come at me previously in the last few years, it likely would have sent me over the edge.
Instead, I’m dusting myself off and carrying on.
The comments that the troll made still echo in my mind, but so do the words of support from friends and family.
To challenge the comments that were made, the comments actually make laugh when I think about it.
The comments described me as an attention seeking crybaby. These comments also describe some Borderlines, one of my primary MENTAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSES, so in a way the person was reinforcing what I already knew, albeit in a highly stigmatizing way.
Mental illness sucks and is as real as diabetes, hypertension or heart disease. Just like the aforementioned illnesses it can be controlled with medication and use of tools and skills. Reducing the stigma around these potentially devastating illnesses is the only way more people can access the help they need, and I’m not going to apologize for doing my part in reducing that stigma.
I love this the blog, and I love that I make a difference in peoples lives. The attack threw me off in my already shaky balance, and I’m not going to give it anymore air time. It’s done, it’s not going to change the way I conduct myself in this blog.
I’m going to learn from this experience, realize that haters can come from all corners, and brace for the next impact, because as long as the blog keeps growing there will be more trolls coming out.
I’m standing strong, stronger mentally than I have been in at any time in the last six years. Thanks for following along.
Kevin
The Mental Health, Writing, and Photography Blog of Kevin J Sabo 