I’ve been better, I’ve been worse.
I just wish I could shake this fatigue and low energy that is following me around like a big black dog. I’m dragging ass. I’m tired. I’m emotional.
Yet, even as hard as life feels right now, I’m still standing. I may not be gaining ground, but I’m not losing either. Small positives.
The darkness has been clawing it’s way back into my mind. The bone numbing exhaustion wraps itself around me, making getting out of bed feel that it requires a Herculean effort. The self harm urges have come back as well, my inner beast demanding a sacrifice of blood.
The thoughts and feelings, as same as they are, are different also. I know I’ve beat this beast back before. What it takes is patience.
I know I have the tools to succeed. I know that I must succeed. Lynn has already lost her best friend. I can’t allow her to lose me too.
The line is drawn in the sand. I’m ready to fight. Whether that fight happens in the therapists office, the doctors office or in hospital, if I’m going to go down, I’m going down fighting.