Well, today has been a busier day.
This morning, K and I spent some time running errands, then later K, D and I are going to go see Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw. After that I’m meeting another friend to go see John Wick 3 at the cheap theatre (Unfortunately I didn’t make it to John Wick 3).
In short, I’m making the best of my limited time away. I’m relaxing. I’m recharging. I’m taking part in some GISH shenanigans, and in general doing things outside the norm.
With everything that has gone ion the last few months, with work, with Brenda, with stuff at home, life has been a busy. It’s been easy to lose sight of what’s important and get weighed down by the mundane.
Something I’ve been learning in the last months is self-care. It is important.
It’s important to find time to look after yourself. It’s important to give yourself time to rest.
I know for me, it’s always been hard to find time for self-care. Part of that is due to the black and white nature of Borderline Personality Disorder. With the all or nothing thinking common to the disorder, I would throw myself 100 per cent into something at the expense of all else.
When I would burn-out, which would inevitably happen, I would fall into deep depression, end up in hospital regularly, and be useless to everyone, including myself, for weeks or months.
Recently, though I’ve still struggled, things have been more shades of grey. I’ve struggled, even dealt with admissions twice in the last year, but the recovery has been shorter because I have not let things proceed as far. I’ve been less all or nothing., because I’ve been finding time for myself.
Because I’ve been finding this time, the difference is staggering. I’m more fit than I have been in years. I’m calmer, feeling much more stable. I’ve been making time for the little things. The funny thing is, I’m learning that the little things in life are the big things. I just wish it hadn’t taken me this long to figure that out.