Month: August 2019

Building positive habits and routines.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, Red Dead Redemption 2, reporter, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I was a home-body today, and I loved every minute of it. I spent some time playing Red Dead 2, cleaned up both of my cameras, and actually dug into the instruction manual on my primary camera to check out some different settings. I've loved the photography, and have already learned a lot, but there … Continue reading Building positive habits and routines.

Coming back

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, Injured List, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, Physical injury, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was a relatively quiet, but full day nonetheless. I ended up spending the bulk of my day in the office today. I reorganized my work space, then polished off a couple of work projects before lunch. After lunch I did a workout, then back into the office again for another couple of hours, doing … Continue reading Coming back

The path ahead

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, sheep dogs, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was a pretty laid back day. Up early, then out the door to work the store today. The store wasn't busy, but it was steady. It was slow enough that I was able to get some more reading done for school, as well as working on a couple pieces for work. After I got … Continue reading The path ahead

Changing the paradigm

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Habits, Highlight reel, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

It might sound trite, but I am not who I used to be. A lot has changed for me. A meaningful role that has been a good fit for my mental health. I've found self-discipline to push through the discomfort and grow myself physically, strengthening myself mentally in the process. I'm challenging myself mentally by … Continue reading Changing the paradigm

I would rather try and fail…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Creativity, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, Self-confidence, sheep dogs, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Part of me is wondering what the hell I signed up for, another is ready to take on the challenge. I spent some time in my text book today, and even got an early start on the first lesson, which which is mainly a punctuation refresher. Looking through some of the other chapters, I can … Continue reading I would rather try and fail…

Recovery

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Recovery in mental health is not something that just happens. It doesn't happen by accident. It doesn't happen with drugs or alcohol. Recovery does happen with hard work, but things do help it along. It doesn't happen with medications, though they can help get you to the point where you can do the work. It … Continue reading Recovery

Recovery Day

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Accountability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, COD:Modern Warfare Remastered, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today wasn't a busy day, but I definitely wasn't bored. I spent some time this morning catching up on some work from last week, then met M for lunch. He is a former journalist who has moved into public administration, and I have definitely learned a few things from since he came to the area. … Continue reading Recovery Day

Ticking clock

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Novel writing., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Aphiwat chuangchoem on Pexels.com Today was a relatively low key day. Lynn was sick this morning, so she didn't end up coming to church. I had to go because I got roped in to running the sound board as the scheduled op was away. I'm glad I went though. Today's sermon was great. … Continue reading Ticking clock

Breathing room and hard work.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

After attending my last event of the week, I have some breathing room. It's been a good week, busier than hell, but I made it through none the worse for wear. I still have some work to finish up based on events I covered this last week, but with a more or less clear schedule … Continue reading Breathing room and hard work.

The first step

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Habits, Highlight reel, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Military Motivation, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was a nice low-key day. Finished up some work this morning, then went down to our local business centre where they were hosting a fund-raiser barbecue for our local victims services. I met Lynn there, got a few photos, then this afternoon was laid back. I got a workout in. Only 2.25 miles, I … Continue reading The first step

running hard

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, COD: Infinite Warfare, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was good, albeit busy. I had intended to get up at 0600 to get a workout in and get some work done to catch up from the last couple of days. My brain thought it was a great idea, my body was totally unwilling.... As a result I got a late start, making it … Continue reading running hard

Turning a corner

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, contemplation, Contentment, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Highlight reel, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Photography, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today was a busy one. Up and out by 10 this morning to have lunch with Lynn and take pictures at the Alliance Town Fair and Farmers Market. After the market it was a quick stop home to drop off a couple things, then a trip to Coronation for multiple events. First up, several members … Continue reading Turning a corner

Priorities

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Goals, Highlight reel, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, the fast and the furious, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I've been swamped the last couple days. Lunch with my editor yesterday afternoon, meeting last night, and a meeting and event this morning., and more tonight. I'm glad to be busy, and definitely happy to take advantage of the busy-times, because I know July was really slow. I have another couple of days with stuff … Continue reading Priorities

Life is good

by thrutheashesblog, posted in Accountability, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Between trying to keep up with my five-year-old niece and catching up on work, I am tired tonight. It's been a great day though. My sister is visiting for a couple days with her daughter which has been awesome, and Lynn and I took my niece swimming this afternoon at our town's outdoor pool. Between … Continue reading Life is good

A fine line

by thrutheashesblog, posted in Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Family, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Well today ended up being busier than expected, although I'm not complaining. While I was on my way out to the one event I was covering I saw a sign for another event taking place at a local farm, so after I covered the first event I stopped in at the farm and realized it … Continue reading A fine line

On the right track

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, COD: Infinite Warfare, contemplation, Contentment, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today has been an off day. We said goodbye to Lynn's mom after she was here visiting for a week, then I covered the store and got caught up on some of work stuff. S covered the store for me at 1330 so I could head to the church and help set up for the … Continue reading On the right track

Growth

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, Creativity, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, journalism, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, small victories, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

After covering events for the paper over the last few days and catching up on some housework, today's schedule is looking pretty light. I have a couple of pieces I am working on for the paper, and other than that I don't have much on deck, so I'm thinking that I'll be cutting the lawn … Continue reading Growth

PTSD in First Responders

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Habits, journalism, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Trauma is a part of life. It happens everyday to people across the world. Here's the thing with trauma. The brain is not equipped to handle it. Working on Ambulance I came upon more than enough trauma, and it left it's mark on me. The fatalities are bad memories, but the ones with with severe … Continue reading PTSD in First Responders

Road trip…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Accountability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Habits, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, Road Trip!, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday was a long ass day. We were up and out the door just after eleven as Lynn had an appointment in Red Deer yesterday afternoon. Lynn's mom and K joined us for the trip as well, and I ended up doing the driving as Lynn's mom was comfortable navigating around the city. By the … Continue reading Road trip…

I have BPD…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Accountability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, ptsd, reporter, Scars, Self-care, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I've spoken about my battle with Borderline Personality Disorder before, but I have never really discussed what the diagnosis ACTUALLY means. Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as BPD, is a debilitating mental illness that affects approximately 2 per cent of the population. It is diagnosed primarily in women, however there is a growing belief that … Continue reading I have BPD…

Dusting myself off after lessons learned

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Social Media, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing prompt

Between my mental health struggling and being busy with company I've been having a hard time getting back into my routine, and I'm definitely feeling it. The fatigue related to the downswing has been bad, and I just haven't had the energy to break away to hit the gym. That is something I'm going to … Continue reading Dusting myself off after lessons learned

In awe of my support

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fuck Mental Illness, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday was my eleventh anniversary to Lynn. The last eleven years have been full of highs and lows as I battle with my mental health. Through it all she has been my rock. She has supported me, encouraged me, and given me a swift kick in the ass when needed. I feel somewhat remiss that … Continue reading In awe of my support

knocking down trolls

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Blood doesn't make someone family. I broke my rule of not checking social media before bed last night, and saw that a family member left a troll-like comment on one of my previous posts where I was struggling mentally. It hurt that a family member could be so callous, telling me to "get a life" … Continue reading knocking down trolls

Thin ice and mules…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Pushing myself, Scars, Self-care, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I had my appointment with H today in Stettler. He saw before I walked in that I was struggling. He asked me what was up. He asked me if I was taking my meds as prescribed. Then he asked me; "How much can a donkey carry?" I'll admit, I kind of looked at him blankly … Continue reading Thin ice and mules…

Going down swinging

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Accountability, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fatigue, Fuck Mental Illness, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Health Tools, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I've been better, I've been worse. I just wish I could shake this fatigue and low energy that is following me around like a big black dog. I'm dragging ass. I'm tired. I'm emotional. Yet, even as hard as life feels right now, I'm still standing. I may not be gaining ground, but I'm not … Continue reading Going down swinging