How far?

After a few days recovery time, I was back in my fitness studio today.

My treadmill time today was 75 minutes, good for 3.5 miles.

I was definitely Italy feeling my time away though. I maintained a decent pace for the first two miles, but I had to drop back a bit to finish out the three. The important thing is, I finished it, with a little extra, and I’m definitely feeling accomplished after it.

It was a battle to finish it out, a war with myself. It would have been easy to say, “this is difficult, this is tiring, try again tomorrow.”

However one quote came to mind that allowed me to slow down but push through.

Again I’m reaching to the very motivational David Goggins.

“Don’t quit when you’re tired. Quit when you’re done.”

The fact of the matter is I set out to do three miles. Not working out for a few days I could have easily let myself off the hook, and gone and relaxed, but I didn’t. I wasn’t finished.

Something I am learning through this journey is that life is a mind game, one that you play with everyone else, but particularly yourself.

Your mind can tell you it’s time to quit, let you know it right to the essence of your very core. The thing is your mind doesn’t always tell you the truth, It can tell you that you are finished, but you still have more left to give.

Between the bullying in school, always seeking other people’s approval and just not being able to connect with others easily, I’ve always sold my self short.

I would give up at good enough. I would let it destroy me when someone told me that I’m not good enough. I would believe them. I know it in my heart that they are right.

Where has it gotten me?

I’m 40. I was forced out of the career I was passionate about. I struggle with multiple mental health diagnoses.

I’ve been through the fire, and like the phoenix I am rebuilding myself out of the ashes. At 40 I’m asking myself the question of “How far can you go?”

I’ve sold myself short my entire life, but I’m finding ways to continue pushing myself. I know it’s very unlikely that I’m going to take up marathon running like Goggins. Or ultra-marathon running.

If I use the skills I’m learning, I can continue to grow. I can grow my photography. I’m going back to school for my writing. I am pushing my limits, this time with a different mind set. I know I’m going to fall.

I’m going to brush myself off again, and keep on pushing myself to be better and better. I’m going to see how far I can go, because I’ve gone farther than I thought I could.


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