Month: June 2019

“Who Dares Wins”

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Hope, Hospital Admission, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, Military Motivation, ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

This is an older post that I started but abandoned before publishing. I finished it today. Today, I find myself in a contemplative mood. I'm contemplating the British Special Air Service motto, "Who dares wins." In a way this motto parallels my life dealing with mental illness. I get stressed easily. I bite off more … Continue reading “Who Dares Wins”

Embrace the suck.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, Injured List, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, Motivation, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Pushing myself, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, Sports, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday was a busy day. I ended up covering at the store for Lynn for part of the day, then J came in and closed for me. I got the lawn cut, and got some work done as well. By the time I factored in the lawn and workout and everything I got done yesterday, … Continue reading Embrace the suck.

Movie review: Men in Black International (No spoilers)

by thrutheashesblog, posted in Entertainment, Fuck Mental Illness, journalism, just for fun, Men In Black International, reporter, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I had the opportunity to check out the new Men In Black International movie on June 27. For fans of the series, it was a good entry back into the world started by the original Men in Black back in 1997 with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. For newcomers to the series, this movie … Continue reading Movie review: Men in Black International (No spoilers)

Worth it.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Self-care, sheep dogs, Sports, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I'm going to take a break from continuing my story for a few days. It's been cathartic talking about the calls and the steps since, however it's also been quite draining so it's time to take a break. Things have been going pretty good for me lately. Things with Lynn and I are going good, … Continue reading Worth it.

Content Warning; My story next steps and suicide attempt

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, History, Hospital Admission, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Scars, Self-care, Self-harm, sheep dogs, Stress, Suicidal Mind, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

After I left the ambulance in the fall of 2013, I was in a tailspin. I ended up in hospital for two separate admissions approaching six weeks in length, under the same doctor, who was also my treating doctor in the community. Through this point he still refused to give me a diagnosis of Post … Continue reading Content Warning; My story next steps and suicide attempt

Content Warning: Hitting bottom…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com The late-night calls were starting to get to me.  We were toned out for a call in the early hours of the morning for an unconscious unresponsive male. We dressed quickly and headed to the ambulance, and we responded with lights and siren.  We followed the directions into the rural … Continue reading Content Warning: Hitting bottom…

Content Warning: MVC, Suicide, now a homicide..

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Self-care, Storms, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

It was another late-night call.  We were responding to a rural property a little way out of town where there was a man down. We were told to stage a couple miles from the property while the R.C.M.P. secured the scene. Seeing as we had gotten chewed out a few weeks prior for not waiting … Continue reading Content Warning: MVC, Suicide, now a homicide..

Content Warning: Strike Two in my descent into PTSD

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, grief, Habits, History, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com **Any names have been changed for privacy concerns.** The tones dropped just after 2300 hours.  I’d been in bed for an hour already, but while I was at work I was always primed to respond to a call. Just for good measure my partner pounded on the wall between our … Continue reading Content Warning: Strike Two in my descent into PTSD

Finding self-discipline

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, DBT Skills, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Highlight reel, Hope, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, ptsd, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Self discipline has never been my strong point. Pushing myself to do anything has always been a challenge, especially where it comes to fitness. The fact that I'm six months into my fitness regime and still going strong is nigh on amazing. The thing is it's paying off. Today was a strength training day, and … Continue reading Finding self-discipline

Building endurance

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Entertainment, Faith, Family, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, PS4, ptsd, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Tomb Raider, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today has been a somewhat peaceful day. I spent a chunk of the day playing Tomb Raider, and cleaning up the house for a surprise visitor. Lynn's mom is on her way back out. for a few days. I was supposed to be taking pictures at the Castor Rodeo, however due to weather it's been … Continue reading Building endurance

Content warning: My descent into PTSD. The first call that follows me…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, momments, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Scars, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Teamwork, Writing Therapy

*Names have been changed and details omitted for confidentiality* I’d been in Emergency Medical Services for around six or seven years when I responded to a call that changed the course of my life.  I was working in Consort, a small community in East Central Alberta, when we received a call for a two-vehicle motor … Continue reading Content warning: My descent into PTSD. The first call that follows me…

Sometimes you need dynamite…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, DBT Skills, Depression, Dogs, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fuck Mental Illness, Gaming, Hope, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Red Dead Redemption 2, Road Trip!, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Well, yesterday is the type of day I'd like to see repeated sometime never. I figured out that as good at communicating as I am with the written word, I suck when it comes to talking with Lynn. The resulting blowout was...unpleasant. As unpleasant as it was though, it got us talking, and actually listening. … Continue reading Sometimes you need dynamite…

Protected: Finding ways to reconnect

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Colour spectrum, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Dogs, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fuck Mental Illness, Furry Family, Goals, grief, Habits, journalism, keystone habits, loss, Making time for what's important, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Knowing where I’ve been is helping me figure out where I’m going.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Faith, Family, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Highlight reel, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Marvel, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, Sports, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Tonight, I am feeling tired, but somewhat recharged. Today was a quiet day. I spent some time poking around our local museum where a work bee was going on to get things ship shape again after the renovations. I got some writing done, and I got a workout in later in the afternoon, as I … Continue reading Knowing where I’ve been is helping me figure out where I’m going.

Feeling grateful

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Photography, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

So far, the first half of this weekend has been brutal. Today started early, got my workout in, then a quick meeting at the community hall with the funeral home about the funeral I was helping with today, then to the Trap range to get some pictures of the shoot going on this weekend, followed … Continue reading Feeling grateful

Avengers:Endgame Movie Review (Potential Spoilers)

by thrutheashesblog, posted in Avengers:Endgame, Entertainment, Fiction, Highlight reel, journalism, Marvel, reporter, The Avengers

After a decade of build up, Marvel has concluded phase 3 of the MCU with a truly epic Avengers:Endgame.Beware, potential spoilers ahead. Still with me? Endgame picks up a matter of days after the Thanos snaps his fingers, eliminating half the people in the universe. The movie starts strong, and barely slows until the end … Continue reading Avengers:Endgame Movie Review (Potential Spoilers)

Visiting history

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Hope, journalism, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, ptsd, reporter, Road Trip!, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday was a busy but fun day. I ended up covering in the store yesterday morning while Lynn was at the church, then for the afternoon, I went into the back country with J and the dogs to find things to take pictures of. My goal for the afternoon was to go out and shoot … Continue reading Visiting history

Finding confidence

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Something that is inherent in people is the wanting or need to conform and go with the flow. Starting at a young age, those who are different, loud, and not the norm are singled out, and face bullies, or even harassment from teachers. We are taught to get along, and follow the path of least … Continue reading Finding confidence

holding steady

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., ptsd, Self-care, small victories, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

The last couple of days have brought some change into my world. Most notably, my new MacBook showed up yesterday, and I have spent the better part of the last couple days transferring information over from my old computer. Unfortunately the migration software that is supposed to help ease the transition wouldn't work so I'm … Continue reading holding steady

Hitting targets….like a bird into a window.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Hope, Injured List, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Physical injury, ptsd, Road Trip!, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

So I have been trying to lose weight. At my heaviest several months ago I was around 270lbs. Since then through a combination of diet and exercise, I've dropped down to 250lbs on my way to the target of 235lbs. I hit 250 several weeks ago, but aside from dropping down to 248lbs a couple … Continue reading Hitting targets….like a bird into a window.

The reflection

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Hope, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, poetry, poetry, ptsd, Self-care, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I look in the mirrorwhat do I seebut a stranger looking back at me. I blink my eyes, and the stranger remains in my sight.How does he copy my every move?How does he seem to know my every action as I make it?The man in the mirror is a strangersomeone I do not know,who looks … Continue reading The reflection

Tired in the now.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, Depression, Dogs, Emergency medical services, ems, END THE STIGMA, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Habits, Hope, journalism, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Perspective, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, Sports, Storms, Stress, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

The fatigue is sinking it's claws deeper and deeper into me. It's 9 p.m, as I write this and I am ready for bed. I just feel drained. As tired as I am feeling though, I'm not feeling the sense of hopelessness that typically accompanies such a soul sucking depletion of my core energy. I'm … Continue reading Tired in the now.

Change in weather

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Balancing Mental Illness, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, DBT Skills, Depression, Family, Fatigue, Fitness, Fuck Mental Illness, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Photography, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

What a turn in weather. It's actually gotten downright chilly in town, and fortunately the chill has brought along rain with it. Our area has been sorely lacking in moisture and the rain is definitely a good thing, even through it is unfortunately hampering the kid's Show & Sound at the school. I'm not going … Continue reading Change in weather

Getting my hands dirty

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, Black and white thinking, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, END THE STIGMA, Fuck Mental Illness, Goals, Habits, Hope, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, Perspective, ptsd, Scars, Self-care, small victories, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Yesterday, I did something abnormal. Wanting to get moving a bit and enjoy some of the beautiful weather we were having, I actually went out to do some weeding in the garden. I'm not a gardener. Never have been. It's definitely not in my top 10 list of most pleasurable activities. Truth be told, a … Continue reading Getting my hands dirty

Feeling content while finding my niche.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in ;, Acceptance, adaptability, Anxiety, Balancing Mental Illness, Belly of the beast, borderline personality disorder, bpd, contemplation, Contentment, DBT Skills, Depression, Fuck Mental Illness, Furry Family, Goal Setting, Goals, Habits, Hope, journalism, keystone habits, learning new skills, Making time for what's important, Mental health, Mental Health awareness, Mental Health recovery, Mental Illness Awareness, my story isn't over yet., Photography, ptsd, reporter, Self-care, sheep dogs, small victories, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

I'm feeling content tonight. Today was busy, yet fulfilling. Meeting this morning, coffee with a couple of friends, then a road trip with B up to Forestberg. Tonight I helped Lynn plant some vegetables in our little garden, and then Lynn and I talked over supper. It was one of the deepest, most connecting conversations … Continue reading Feeling content while finding my niche.