The path of mental illness recovery is not easy, nor is it a straight line of improvement.
It can feel at times like a wide open highway, yet in a brief moment it can turn 90 degrees and turn into a winding goat path, with sheer cliff face on one side, and an epic drop on the other. It can be smooth road which can turn into pitfalls that come out of nowhere. It can knock you down time and time again.
The last couple of days for me have been tough, and today is likely going to be another tough one. Between the appointment in Calgary Thursday and the moron in front of my place on that night, yesterday was rough. I was dealing with feeling symptoms of anxiety, increased vigilance, increased heart rate, and a slight increase in flashbacks yesterday.
Yesterday felt like a step backwards, and today is going to be a struggle as well, because today we lay a good friend and a good man to rest for his eternal slumber with the Lord. 2019 has definitely had it’s share of challenges so far.
At times it feels like mental health recovery is a step backward, for every two forward. It’s easy to get bogged down in the backward movement. It is so real and so much more noticeable than the forward movement.
What I have to remind myself is that even if it is two steps forward and one back, I’m still moving forward more often then I am going backwards. I’m still making getting up one more time than I am knocked down. Sometimes these victories get lost in the emotion. It’s only when you stop and take the long view of the distance you have travelled that you realize how far you have come.
The last couple days have been a speedbump that caused me to trip up. I’m getting up again. I’m brushing myself off, and I’m carrying on. Sometimes that’s all you can do.