“Winning is winning”

It’s amazing how much sleep helps my moods.

I actually slept pretty good last night, despite waking up a couple times through the night.

Mood-wise, today has been mixed. I have been doing tons of journaling since I’ve been here this admission, including some poetry which I will upload once I get discharged.

The outcome of all this journaling has been this; I have questions that I’m not sure where I can seek the answers. About the only thing I am sure of is that I’m not in the place to find the answers I’m looking for.

Reading through the last two years of my mental health journey one thing I can see is that even with this latest setback I am continuing to grow as a person.

Reading through the old passages of my journal, it amazes me how dark my writing was. How dark that it still is, for that matter.

The one trend I’ve noticed is what once was black now lies more in shadow than in darkness. And where there is shadow there is light, no matter how faint. That gives me hope for the future. It gives me hope that this has not been for naught.

I don’t know what the future holds for me. I do know that as far as I have come, I am still only part way through this journey of recovery. I know every step into the future is going to be work, and it’s a journey that won’t be over until the day I draw my last breath, hopefully long down the road.

I’m not sure when I’m getting discharged yet, but I am hoping things are still on track for next week. I do know that with the reflecting I have been doing, I am evermore optimistic that I will have a future without the walls of this place.

Growth is not a straight line, sometimes you do move backwards, but as long as your direction is consistent in the end then you are moving in the right direction. To quote Dom Torreto from “The Fast and the Furious,” “It doesn’t matter whether you win by an inch or a mile. Winning is winning.”

Despite this latest setback, I think I’m on the right track.

Kevin

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