Recovery is scary

With the beautiful weather that has descended on my region, it is hard to be in a bad mood.

The only real complaint I have today is that I am stuck covering the store while Lynn is away in Saskatchewan. That being said, I have still managed to get some walking in today, by walking to the store instead of driving, and have ran out to do a couple odd errands. The fact that I can have the door open and not have to worry about bugs is another definite bonus.

I’m definitely missing my workout though. I think that will be on the agenda tonight once I get the dogs walked. I feel like I need to move.

I’m still blown away that I managed to exceed my step count by a rather significant margin yesterday, even without the workout. The effort to move more is definitely paying off. I’m seeing it on the scale and in my overall mental and physical health.

My shoulder is bugging me less. My blood pressure is down a bit, and I feel like I have more energy with which to cope with my internal struggles.

I am thankful everyday that I have made it through the storms I have. There’s been a few friends who have told me that they weren’t sure that I would make it through.

Truth be told, there were days I wasn’t sure that I would punch through the other side. Knowing that I have been there before is sobering. Knowing that sliding back there is a possibility, no matter how hard I work at it, is scary.

It’s very scary. It also provides a very large incentive to push myself. To look after myself. To grow. It gives me incentive to do what I have to give myself the most reasonable possibility of success.

I have worked my ass off in my recovery, both physically and mentally.
Health takes work. It also takes therapy, medication, time, support, and a dash of luck.

I am lucky, in that as severe as my diagnoses are, when I am on an upswing, I am fairly high functioning. Yes, the suicidality and depression can impair that functionality significantly, but that functionality and insight into my body is allowing me to get in front of problems before they turn into disasters.


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