Slow burn

No workout today. First one I’ve missed in nearly two weeks, and that’s alright. My body needed a day to recover.

I still managed to exceed my step goal today, though. just over 11,000 steps. It doesn’t hurt matters any that I walked to church and back for todays service. It further doesn’t hurt matters any that I got ambitious today and did some much needed cleaning done.

I managed to get the bedding in the master bedroom changed, ensuite and main bathroom cleaned, some dishes done, dogs walked, and several loads of laundry today.

It feels nice to actually have the energy to do this much need activity, as much as I despise doing chores. They need to be done. It wasn’t done in one burst, but it was more of a slow-burn of activity.

I would do a bit, then unwind, do a bit more, and unwind. Breaking the cleaning up into bite sized chunks it easier to do and much less overwhelming, at least for me.

I also did something else today. I took today for me. No work writing.

I know I projects that I need to get done, but I also needed a day when I wasn’t looking at life through the viewfinder of my camera, or behind the keyboard writing.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the writing and reporting, and feel I have found my niche in the community. I am fortunate and blessed to have had this opportunity present itself. The trick is, I want to keep liking it.

So, I took a day off. No photography. No writing. No note taking. No meetings.

Today I focused on looking after myself.

There was once a time where I would feel guilty for not getting my work stuff done or getting my workout in. I was the same way on the ambulance. I literally would feel guilty when I wasn’t at work.

Unfortunately, back then I didn’t take the self care I needed. The job got to me. It weighed me down more and more. I coped until I couldn’t.
The things your learn through life.

The job wore me out, the same way I achieved my goals today. Slowly. piece by piece, call by call the trauma ate at me from the inside.

I firmly believe that recovery is inversely proportional to the duration of the trauma received. That’s why my recovery from the Post Traumatic Stress injury has taken so long, and the additional mental health issues don’t help matters any.

As slowly, as painfully, as my growth has been, when I stop and look around I am amazed at the distance I have traveled. Recovery is work though. My psychologist compared recovery and self-care to being a full-time job. I definitely agree with him, today more than ever.

Tomorrow is a new day, and what didn’t get done today, goes on tomorrow’s pile. No guilt. No regret.

Thanks for following along,

Kevin

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