Perspective changes everything.
History is full of different perspectives. In World War 2 Hitler’s perspective that he was improving humanity with his master race. The rest of the world saw him an as asshole that needed to be stopped.
Even in the political world of today perspective is wildly subjective. I’ve lost track of the Justin Trudeau memes in regards to his groping allegations in the past or the entire Jody Wilson-Raybould affair that continues to plague the governing Liberal Party. The theme of the meme’s is “experiencing things differently.”
I’m not going to bash on the Liberals, though I could do some ad nauseum. Nor am I going to list the benefits of Conservatives being elected come October. That’s not the point of this blog, and chances are whatever you believe, I won’t change your mind.
The point is perspective changes everything. I said it again.
I was talking with Lynn last night, and we got talking about when I was at most ill, and using my mental health concerns as a crutch. I don’t remember any of the conversations we had, but it did put things in a new light. The entire conversation came up because there are several things going on and people in my life that I have been trying to support with their mental health, and with where I am in my recovery and the stress I have been under I have been thinking more and more that I need to walk away for a time, until I get myself back into a better headspace.
Lynn pointed out to me that I am feeling how she did when I was at my worst and lacked the insight to see it. It also gave me new understanding into why my cousin and I drifted apart a few years ago. We went from being damn near best friends to not talking for months at a time. I harboured resentment towards him for drifting away while I was struggling. The conversation I had with Lynn last night helped me put myself into his perspective, and honestly, with how I was when I was at my worst, I would have walked away from me.
I’m just glad that my cousin and I have reconnected in recent months, and that the divide between us was not insurmountable. As for the people and negativity in my life?
For better or worse they are my friends and extended family. I know how I felt when I was “abandoned.” I can’t do that to them.
What I can do is pull back a bit. I can focus on me and my mental health. I can push myself to get stronger mentally and physically. I can come back to them stronger and be able to support them better.
I understand now why J walked away from me a few years ago, and I’m also glad he’s back. He did what he had to do to protect himself and his family, and I do as well. It doesn’t mean I dislike these friends. It doesn’t mean I won’t be there for them in a heartbeat if the situation warrants.
It just means that I need to look after myself first and foremost, because I can’t fill up others if my own cup is empty.