I think we are slowly slipping out of winter’s grasp. I hope so anyways. I was reading somewhere that Alberta has not faced a cold this severe since the 1930s.
I’m tired, but it feels like slowly I am putting myself back together, after the last month. I’m settling into a new routine with work and with the dogs. Lynn being home has definitely helped. Even my doctor is more or less happy with how I am doing, despite the last month.
With the resiliency I have found that has carried me through the crisis, I find myself looking to the future. Hitting 40 this year, makes me wonder what the future holds, because truth be told, I never expected to see 40.
The way I look at things, right now I’m on borrowed time. The events of the last month have taught me that life cannot be taken for granted, you never know when you are going to be called home.
This perspective is new for me. It’s new, and scary. I have another 25 years until I reach retirement age. 25 years that I never thought I would see.
This perspective doesn’t mean I’m cured. It doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I still fight the demons inside, though they are less pronounced. I’m what can be described as “high” functioning, where it comes to mental illness.
With this clarity I’m realising that I need to make some changes. I need to focus more on work, in hopes I can eventually get back to work in a meaningful capacity. I enjoy what I am doing now, but it is so sporadic that if I had to rely on it solely I wouldn’t be able to.
I need to look after my body as well. some gismo that the doctors office has did an assessment on me today, and determined that I need to lose 80lbs. While the doctor and I both agree that that amount of loss is insane, my weight is something I need to work on.
Minor adjustments to diet and fitness are what I am requiring right now. I need to look after my health so this borrowed time doesn’t end prematurely.
The exercise will have the carry over effect of helping my mood stability, something which has always been a struggle.
I need to focus on what makes me healthier.
Life isn’t about arriving at the finish line in a perfectly preserved corpse. It’s about living life as much as you can. It’s about, to quote country super-star Tim McGraw, living life like you are dying.
You don’t get a redo.