Mixed days are not a bad thing…

Today has been a mixed day emotionally and physically.

I got a lot accomplished, including sorting out the AV supply room at the church. I couldn’t have done it without the help of N though. The shoulder has been really bad today, and the ache is starting to wear on me. I definitely have a new respect for chronic pain sufferers.

It’s frustrating trying to get stuff done, because being right handed, that is always my first inclination of direction to do things, and the ache while tolerable if not moving, becomes sore quickly if I move wrong.

Unfortunately, it’s not going to be an easy fix. I still have two weeks until I go for the ultrasound, and a very busy next week coming up.

I can’t complain too much though. I have a supportive wife, an editor that kicks ass and has taught me a lot in a short time, and a job I love. I even had a chat with disability today, which set some of my fears to rest about allowable income.

My life isn’t perfect. Between financial, medical, and mental health issues, there is a lot that could be going better. Then again, there’s a lot that could be going worse. It’s all subjective to the viewpoint you have.

I have fought hard to get to this point. The battles have been long and challenging, and sometimes seemed impossible. Yet I am still here, and well on my way to recovery.

Yes, I still have some borderline tendencies, such as when I find out I messed up on the research for an article I write I feel absolutely gutted and that my world is falling apart. My moods vary and can change quickly. The urge to self-harm is never far off, nor is the awareness that as good as things are, it won’t take much for me to start down the path to depression again.

We all have challenges to face, and contrary to what is seen on social media, no one’s life is perfect. We all have something going on. We all have something that we deal with. It doesn’t matter who you are. It could be my go-to, self harm, or it could be addiction, domestic violence, or trouble in school, work, or home. Social media is a highlight reel of people’s lives, not the full picture.

It’s okay to have good days and bad days, as long as they don’t define you. Letting go of that has been hard, but my life has been so much better for it.

So what if today has been pretty mixed, emotionally or physically? Tomorrow is a new day.


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