“He doesn’t eat junk-food.” Soft markers into the state of my mental health.

It’s been a busy Sunday.

Church this morning, where I was running sound for the children’s pageant, then lunch, and a trip up to Alliance for Lynn to sing with her Christmas choir. 

Afterward, it’s been a couple hours rest, then back to our church for the choir to sing again. 

It’s been a lot of rushing around and busy-ness, but at this time of year it’s pretty much expected. What’s making life even more entertaining is this the dawn of a busy week, and with neither of us at 100 per cent right now, it’s got the potential to be a long one. 

Tomorrow I am covering something for work, then jumping immediately into theatre practice. Tomorrow night I am covering one of my regular councils as well. 

Tuesday is a trip to Red Deer for an MRI for Lynn, then back to Stettler for another council meeting that evening. 

Wednesday and Thursday the two schools in town will be having their Christmas Concerts, so I will be going to those as part of work. Thursday, if my shoulder is up to it, I am back in Red Deer for an appointment with M.

Friday on, things are slowing down for the holidays, and don’t pick up again until after New Year’s. I am looking forward to the break. 

I’m also hoping that I get the call for the ultrasound on my shoulder sooner rather than later. I’m not expecting to go in before the holidays, but I’d at least like to have a date set. 

As tired and sore as I am though, mentally I am feeling pretty good. I know this because my wit has been coming back. 

Today, a friend asked if he could catch a ride with us up to Alliance. We said no problem, then he asked about our dog, as he’s not a dog person. He was worried that the dog would get a taste and eat him. 

I reassured him with the comment of “He (our dog) doesn’t eat junk food.”

I was met with stunned silence, followed by everyone at the table laughing, and him grabbing his fork to “stab” me. It has been awhile since I have been quite that on the ball. 

Despite his complaints of me hurting his last two feelings, he saw the humour in it as well, and he dishes it out as good as he gives it, so no need (for much) sympathy.

Oh, as an addendum to this tale of sadness, he came over and came in for a few minutes before we headed to Alliance, and him and the dog got along well. Sirius was wagging his tail the entire time, and was not in the least bit threatening. That said, I wouldn’t want to be someone coming into the house without us home. 

I have a few measures that I use to determine what condition my mental health is in, on top of the emotions and moods. Listening to my moods are only a part of the equation. The “soft” tells are just as important, and they are often what I use to determine if I’m struggling, or sliding into crisis. 

I’ve had several doctors tell me over the years that I have great insight into this illness. I mainly agree, but the problem is, even with the insight, I still fall. It happens for less time, and I bounce back faster, but it still happens. It’s like being in a car trying to hit the brakes, and having that sinking feeling as the brake pedal sinks all the way to the floor. You can try steering and stopping, but you know you are going to hit, and that things are going to hurt. That sums me up when I start sliding into crisis. 

Thanks for following along. 

Kevin

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