Moving Targets

Borderline Personality Disorder is a major psychiatric illness that can be found in the DSM-5 and is described as:
 a pattern of instability in personal relationships, intense emotions, poor self-image and impulsivity. A person with borderline personality disorder may go to great lengths to avoid being abandoned, have repeated suicide attempts, display inappropriate intense anger or have ongoing feelings of emptiness.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder:
is a psychiatric disorder that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, rape or other violent personal assault.

Both of these major diagnoses can feature symptoms of depression and anxiety. 

Having a diagnoses of either or both of these disorders not make someone weak. In fact, these diagnoses means you are stronger than most. 

The factors that form BPD are unknown though both genetic and social factors can play a part. 

With PTSD, that one is easy to explain considering what I used to do in life. 

The added irony is that a diagnosis of BPD can apparently make PTSD more prevalent, and they are in fact diagnosed together fairly frequently. 

Medications can help both of these issues. I know one medication I am on helps me sleep, and another has dramatically decreased the incidence of the PTSD nightmares. 

Skills to deal with intrusive thoughts and coping are as important as the medications. 

I’m frustrated that I can’t work full-time at the moment. Maybe never again? Who knows?

Photo by Gratisography on

It’s times like today where I carry the emotional fatigue through my body that I understand why full-time work is not possible. My energy level is non-existent. The fatigue wraps itself around me, and seems to make even the simplest of tasks a challenge. Unfortunately it’s not the type of fatigue that sleep can cure. It is a darkness that wraps itself around me and threatens to cut me to the bone. 

I’ve spoken before that day to day, my target for the day is ever moving, and somedays are easier than others. Some days I feel unstoppable, other days it’s a challenge even getting out of bed. Recently I have been having more of the latter than the former. 

All I can do is maintain the course. Do all the self-care I need to, and stay taking my meds. For today, it’s rest. For tomorrow? well, we’ll see what tomorrow brings.


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