The sky is the type of deep blue today that you only see during the winter. The sun is low on the horizon at these latitudes, and the temperature is sitting around -12C. It’s frosty, but the type of beautiful day that is hard to not enjoy.
I’m covering the store again today, as Lynn and S are back in Stettler for day 2 of the Stettler mall Christmas Extravaganza. By the sounds of things they are having a good time, although the last couple days has been wearing Lynn out as she recovers from her broken ankle.
I’m getting pretty tired as well. I don’t know why but I’ve been having a hard time getting to sleep again, and have had to start taking an additional sleep med that I’ve usually reserved for as needed. It helps get me out, but with the two different sleep meds in my system, It messes with my sleep apnea a bit, so even though I am sleeping, the quality isn’t quite what it should be, and I’m feeling a bit drained as a result.
Factoring in the trouble sleeping and just how busy I have been as of late, it’s not a wonder that I am tired. Instead of using fatigue as an excuse, I need to make some changes where I can.
I need to work on getting to bed earlier. I need to find time to exercise. I need to make time to plant myself in front of my game console, and unwind. In short, I need to make time to rest. If I don’t make the time, I know what’s going to happen. I’ve been down that road before, and definitely do not like the results.
There is a huge difference between resting, and stopping living. As fatigued as I am feeling now, Everything I have been doing in my life has been positive. I’ve been receiving tremendous feedback on my reporting and my blog. I am setting roots in my community. Lynn and I are becoming more and more involved, and more and more invested in this community we call home.
Our store wouldn’t be as successful as it is without the residents in town supporting it. I wouldn’t be writing if the hospital hadn’t pushed me to challenge myself again last year. Nor would I be writing if I didn’t have the amazing and supportive editor at our paper. Though we don’t always see eye to eye, I have nothing but respect and admiration for her and I have learned a lot.
I’ve been down dark avenues in my past. Chances are pretty good I will venture down them again at some point. Those are just the breaks when someone deals with a “high-functioning mental illness.” Do I like it? no.
No, but it is something I have to deal with. I need to challenge myself to do what I have to look after myself. I need to rest, before I burn out-again. I also need to challenge others. I need to challenge people’s thoughts on self-care. I need to challenge the thoughts on mental illness. I need to challenge the perception that the media and television paints of those dealing with mental illness. Not everyone is dangerous. Not everyone is homicidal. I functioned for years in a professional career before things got the best of me, and even today, when I’m well, no one would know that I had anything going on.
I’m up for the challenge. I’m up for looking after myself. I’m up for starting the conversation. I’m up for shedding some much needed light on this darker than dark subject. Are you?