Conquering fear and finding voice.

This past Sunday, I swallowed my fear and pushed by limits.

I have been taking on a more active role in my church for the last few months, taking over all the AV in our church, as well as training and overseeing the soundboard operators.  Last Sunday I pushed my limits yet more, by taking on the role of one of the rotating emcees as well.

I was actually supposed to start on the list back in the summer, but between a wide variety of events, I was able to push it off.

I’ve spoken in public before. I used to teach first-aid.  Walking up to the front of the church is completely different. Walking up front and speaking in front of a hundred people, that is scary. Opening up how God has worked in my life, and tying it to what our pastor was speaking on, was beyond frightening.

It was beyond frightening, yet I faced the challenge, kept calm and things went well. I know I was scared, but I was content at the same time. I definitely felt God’s presence while I was speaking my part.

The experience was nowhere near comfortable. It was a challenge I pushed through, and now that I’ve done it once, I know it will be easier next time.

I’m happy that I have added this role, and the way it’s helping me round out my abilities.

I’m happier that I am finding my voice again, through my work in the paper and through my blog. I’m happy that I’ve been able to push my limits, and have the support system in place to help me up when I overextend myself and fall.

In general I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, even if my day to day is still a struggle sometimes. I’m finding my voice and my passion again.

Am I happy? I still don’t know if I can answer that question, but I’m closer to “happy” than I have been in a long time.




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