Finding colour.

kermit

I. AM. BEAT.

It’s been a long week.

Between attempting to get stories caught up, and a course over the last two days, I feel like I’ve been getting close to hitting my wall.

The good news is I am recognizing this fatigue that is building.

Tomorrow has been deliberately left as a light day, just so I can get the opportunity to catch my breath.

I’m not complaining. I’ve been loving keeping busy, but I cannot keep up the intensity and that’s not a bad thing. I am finding my limits, and the better news is I am starting to figure out when to back off. I’m getting better at getting off the gas before I break down.

It’s not easy. It’s tiring always being alert, always second guessing what is real, vs. what is perceived. Some days are better than others. And that is the bad part…

I’m starting to figure out that life is not black and white. There is a full spectrum of colours in between, with some being much brighter or much darker than others. The colour spectrum represents life well.

time lapse photography of waterfalls
Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

Some days are on the darker end of the spectrum. The darkness can feel all encompassing, even smothering.

Other days can be brighter. The darkness falls away and I feel a sense of freedom and relief.

Living with Borderline Personality disorder and PTSD my emotions are more volatile than most. I have a lot of up and down emotions. Lot’s of all or nothing thinking. Lot’s of black and white.

I’m starting to be able to see more colour though. I’m getting better at finding middle ground, and not kicking my own ass for perceived failures.

Yes every day is a challenge, but everyday that goes by, I am feeling better about taking it on.

For tonight and tomorrow, I am going to rest, then when I am feeling recharged I am going to hit the ground running again.

Thanks for following along with my journey.

Kevin

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