*IMAGE from google search, if you own this image I will take it down upon request.*
Today has been significantly better, although I have most certainly moved through the stages of grief about my psychiatrist dropping me as a patient. Currently, I am firmly planted on anger.
There is no other way to explain it.
I am pissed at the unprofessional way this went down. I am pissed that this “abandonment” is triggering my BPD symptoms. I am pissed that this professional didn’t even give the reasons she was dropping me as a client. I am pissed that by the sounds of it I am not the first person this has happened to.
As pissed off as I am though, it changes nothing. It still leaves me without that one extra support that I had. It doesn’t change the fact that no matter what happens, I have to play the cards I am dealt, and I have got to say, this is a shitty hand.
I don’t like this change. I don’t like change at all, but here we are.
Right now, all I can do is put one foot in front of the other. I can use my skills, which have definitely been challenged up to this point. I can focus on getting through day to day, or hour to hour, or even minute to minute, depending on the strain the day has.
I don’t have to like this change. Liking it or not doesn’t change the facts:
- I’m struggling a bit at the moment.
- I have the skills to carry me through this.
- I have many supports in the form of my wife, my new family doctor, my friends, my psychologist, and many others.
- I have survived 100% of the challenges in my past. I will get through this one.
- my emotions are more volatile than most, but emotions have never killed anyone. Actions based on those emotions have. As long as I do not act on those emotions, I will ride this out.
- Because of what I have been through in my past makes me tougher than most, because despite the stacked deck, I’m still here.
This is a ripple in my life. Not a mountain.
My anger will subside. I know that. It will take time.
It will happen. My doctor and I will come up with a new plan. I will move forward.
I am not going to let this setback derail my progress.
I will survive, because despite what my emotions tell me, survival is my only option.