Something to chew on.

This long weekend is dragging.

The thing is, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It sucks that I am in hospital for it, but on the flip side after a week busy with groups, therapy, and catching up on sleep, a couple of slow days to sit with everything are what is needed.

Part of me is kicking myself in the ass for being in here now that things have stabilized, but when it comes down to it, I know that the admission was needed. I also know it is short term, and following the plan despite some discomfort is going to help me more in the long run than escaping now that I’m “better”, a phrase I use loosely.

Whether I like it or not, dealing with my mental health is important, and something I will have to do until the day I die. That is reality.

I would love nothing more than to put all of this crap behind me and go back to work full-time. Is it likely to happen?

At the moment I give it less than 50/50 of it happening before retirement. The amount of stress I put on myself because of my mental health is more than most people realize. Who needs anyone else to stigmatize me when I do it to myself?

The thing is, even if I don’t or can’t return to full-time work because of my mental health, I’m starting to realise I can still contribute.

I have a great freelance job working for my local paper. I have this blog where I express myself on this journey called life. I’ve founded a writing group in my community. And I help my wife run our used book-store.

Add in my appointments that I seem to continually have, I dont know that I have time to work full-time. Yes, I crave the “normalcy” of having a full-time job and the associated pay, but then again, I have never done “normal” well.

Thanks for following me on this journey.

K