We can do better.

October 1st marks the first day of Mental Illness Awareness Week in Canada. It is great that as a society we are acknowledging something that has been buried for so many years. With the Canadian Mental Health Association quoting that one in five Canadians deal with mental illness, it is not a small problem that … Continue reading We can do better.

Depression and self-defeat.

Last night I had the privilege of taking photos of our local high school football game under the lights. It was a game where everything was working for them, and they had the game at 45-0 by half time. In the second half, you could tell that the visitors were demoralized, and they played that … Continue reading Depression and self-defeat.

A thought on thoughts

I'm feeling better than I have in quite some time. I'm feeling more rested, and much more at ease with my place in life. That's not to say I don't have my bad days. Suicidal thoughts still cross my mind a few times a week, but at the moment they are nothing that I can't … Continue reading A thought on thoughts

New Normal after a visit from the reaper.

Lynn and I got some unfortunate news this morning. We were notified that a family who had a severe heart attack last weekend and was in a medically induced coma succumbed to the damage. We're still not sure when the funeral is going to be, but we would like to go if we can. While … Continue reading New Normal after a visit from the reaper.

My story isn’t over yet.

The semi-colon is grammatical device that can allow an author to continue with a sentence, instead of ending it. The semi-colon has also been used over the last several years in the mental health community as well. Many people who struggle with mental illness and suicidal thoughts and actions have chosen to have the punctuation … Continue reading My story isn’t over yet.


The last two days have been eventful, and today's not over yet. The thing is, at the moment I can handle it. I know I can handle it, especially since tomorrow I have very little going on, and have been working on keeping it that way. I know I cannot maintain the momentum I have … Continue reading Adaptation

How much is too much?

How much is too much? This is a question I ask myself frequently, and one I have been mulling over today. I have been reviewing my calendar since I got discharged, and what I have upcoming for the remainder of the month. Since I was discharged from hospital earlier this month, I most definitely have … Continue reading How much is too much?

I hate impulsivity…

I am not a dumb person. So why the hell do I do stupid things. I'm sure that is a question everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. I know I am today. I received a (deserved) earful from L today, because yesterday she let me know that for the first time ever … Continue reading I hate impulsivity…

Seasonal Depression mixed with Post Traumatic Stress, a lovely combination.

Fall is beginning to rear it's ugly head in my area. So far we have been lucky that the weather has mainly stayed wet, as snow has hit the ground in area's surrounding us. For a September in Alberta, that is nothing to be surprised at. I remember to waking up to snow reports in … Continue reading Seasonal Depression mixed with Post Traumatic Stress, a lovely combination.

When the sand runs out.

Life is fleeting. Life is fragile. Life can end in a moment. That is a fact that gets hammered home time and time again.  It doesn't matter how healthy we try to be. When the reaper comes for you, your time on earth is done. In past life as an EMT, I have lost count … Continue reading When the sand runs out.

Keeping busy, on the verge of overdoing it.

Today has been busy. I'm not complaining. I was up and out the door early to cover the board meeting for our school division. That finished up a lot earlier than expected, so I wandered through Stettler for a bit, and when I got home I ended up babysitting a minion for an hour while … Continue reading Keeping busy, on the verge of overdoing it.

Goodbye to the beast.

Today is definitely one of mixed emotion for me. Today is the day I exit the mustang life, at least temporarily. If given the opportunity, I would definitely jump on getting another one, but at the moment I have no plans to replace the beast. The reason my emotions are so mixed is because I … Continue reading Goodbye to the beast.

The good and the bad.

Life is hard. Paying bills. Looking after your health. Relationships. Work. Any one of these aspects of life is a potential minefield that everyone must navigate. Throw in a mood disorder such as depression or anxiety, or something more impairing such as borderline personality disorder or post traumatic stress disorder and life gets even more … Continue reading The good and the bad.

Hidden Identities

Living with mental health issues can almost be seen as living a double life, especially when someone is first diagnosed. After diagnosis, things do make sense about why someone acts the way they do. I know for me I pressed on despite the diagnosis, and did what I could do to deal with the mental … Continue reading Hidden Identities

3-4-3: your memories live on.

On September 11,2001, the world as we knew it changed forever. The world watched in horror as first one plane, then another flew into the twin towers of the World Trade Centre in New York City. Terrorism had come to the shores of North America. I was just beginning my EMS journey when the towers … Continue reading 3-4-3: your memories live on.

Every day needs to be Suicide Prevention Day.

****repost from last year, as true today as it was then***** Being suicidal is not a sign of weakness. It is not a character flaw. It is not selfish. No, being suicidal is none of those things. What being suicidal is is the mind looking for a way to end psychological pain that is overwhelming … Continue reading Every day needs to be Suicide Prevention Day.

You never know the difference a simple action can have…

I am happy to be home! The last few weeks have been a rough ride, but I have weathered the storm and I'm still standing. Today, I would like to send a shout to the men and women who work on the front lines of health care, our EMS providers. They work any time of … Continue reading You never know the difference a simple action can have…

The dawn after the storm.

After a couple of turbulent weeks I'm feeling strong and ready to head home and back into my life. After discussions with the doctor this week, discharge looks to be set for tomorrow. I couldn't be happier. When I was first admitted nearly two weeks ago I said i did not want a long admission. … Continue reading The dawn after the storm.

Hard work and rewards, admission update.

I'm feeling mentally and physically drained. It's odd that I do feel so drained because I've been sleeping almost nine hours ever night this last week. While that is helping recover my lost sleep from before this admission, I still have a long ways to go before I will feel rested again. The reason for … Continue reading Hard work and rewards, admission update.

Feeling the bear of guilt.

Today I am definitely feeling turbulent emotionally. L was supposed to come out and see me today seeing as today is a holiday and our store is closed. Instead, she has decided to take a day home since she didn't sleep well last night, and she is feeling overwhelmed herself. I can't begrudge her that, … Continue reading Feeling the bear of guilt.

Something to chew on.

This long weekend is dragging. The thing is, it's not necessarily a bad thing. It sucks that I am in hospital for it, but on the flip side after a week busy with groups, therapy, and catching up on sleep, a couple of slow days to sit with everything are what is needed. Part of … Continue reading Something to chew on.